Monday Rule: War

No nation should ever start a war, and a nation should only enter one in order to end it.

Monday Rule: Bureau of Artistic Integrity

The FCC should be disbanded and replaced by the BAI, the Bureau of Artistic Integrity. The BAI’s primary job will be fining those media outlets who alter the artistic work of others in order to maintain freedom of speech against private censorship.

Monday Rule: Legal Parity

An individual or company cannot hire lawyers who charge over 25% more for their services than the individual or company they are facing in court.

Monday Rule: Voting Age Restriction

People over 72 should not be allowed to vote. People that old don’t have any vested interest in the future, they harbor antiquated (see also: bigoted) notions of how the world works, and they think nothing of sending the young off to die in wars or saddling younger generations with trillions in debt (a burden they don’t have to worry about).

This was the compromise. I would start out suggesting old people should all just be put to death.

Monday Rule: “Special Forces”

The army should be composed of mentally ill homeless people (as opposed to now, when the mentally ill homeless are composed of army veterans). This would get them off the streets, give them a warm bed to sleep in, and food to eat. Plus, no one wants to fight an army that is fucking nuts.

Monday Rule: Ethical Imports

If a product’s actual method of manufacture would have violated labor or environmental laws in the US, it should not be allowed to be imported into the US. We can’t claim to have abolished slavery if we still buy products made by slaves, and pollution in another country is still pollution that will poison us.

Monday Rule: Congressional Pay

Congress should be paid by the hour for how much actual work they do, and only at minimum wage.

Monday Rule: The Golden Church Rule

If a church wants to have a say in what non-believers can do in their bedrooms, non-believers should be allowed to fuck in that church.

Monday Rule: The Best Things in Life

The best things in life are not advertised on TV.

Monday Rule: Appropriate For All Ages

We need to eliminate age restrictions on movies. If you can get to the theatre and afford a ticket, I don’t see why you should be prevented from seeing whatever movie you want. There are 16 year olds in this country we trust with the responsibility of driving, which puts the lives of others at risk, but they can’t see an R-rated movie without a parent or guardian because they might see a booby. If a child or teenager is watching a movie that will scar them for life, they can run out of the theatre screaming like the rest of us do.

Monday Rule: Putting the “Capital” in “Capital Punishment”

Only millionaires and billionaires should be subject to the death penalty. This ensures that every capital punishment case has an adequately funded defense, plus I’m sick of poor criminals hurting a few people and getting put to death while rich criminals ruin the lives of thousands or even millions while only paying a fine.

Monday Rule: America’s Posterior Stickectomy

America needs to legalize prostitution, gay marriage, polygamy, narcotics and lower the drinking age to 18.

Monday Rule: The Social Mirror

No one, no matter how clever, can make us look silly or stupid, they can only reveal how silly or stupid we are.

Monday Rule: A Village

If it takes a village to raise a kid, I think you’re parenting wrong.

Monday Rule: Getting Bit

Those who stick their fingers in other peoples’ mouths should not complain if they get bit.

Monday Rule: End of the World

After we survive 2012, no one is allowed to talk about the world ending ever again.

Monday Rule: Pooracracy

Since government only seems to be of the rich, by the rich and for the rich (and it hasn’t really been working out), no one with an income or net worth over the median should be allowed to vote or run for office. If you have money, you have power enough as it is.

Monday Rule: Children and Teeth

No one should be allowed to have more children than they have teeth.

Monday Rule: Understanding Religion

Those who hate a religion do not understand it very well.
Those who follow a religion do not understand it at all.

Monday Rule: Home State

If you have lived in the same state your whole life and never even stepped foot in another, you shouldn’t vote in elections for candidates who represent the country at a national level.