Wednesday Word: Nilly-Willy

Nilly-willy: male impotence

Top Ten: Genital Surnames

10. Dix
9. Laycock
8. Johnson
7. Moredick
6. Cox
5. Peters
4. Hancock
3. Cooter
2. Hardon
1. Cockburn

Getting Better

There’s a particular movement going on right now, fronted by the “It Gets Better Project,” which is an attempt to get young gay people not to kill themselves.

I agree with the spirit and intent of the campaign, and I understand why there is a need for it. I read a comment the other day that went something along the lines of, “Of course these old faggots like Dan Savage want young fags not to kill themselves. Who else if he going to fuck?” Sentiments like this are disturbingly common, and they stem from an overall attitude of hostility for homosexuality. This is basically why the gay rights movement exists.

I will try to tread lightly as I provide a little criticism of the “It Gets Better Project.”

And there needs to be criticism, because it’s not exactly the most well thought out campaign. For one thing, it’s based on a lie. I have talked to many gay people who are well past high school, and trust me: it gets worse.

Gay kids in high school don’t have to worry about losing their job and not making the mortgage because they got fired from their job for their sexual orientation. Gay kids aren’t generally at the age when gay marriage bans directly affect their lives. And it’s generally not gay high schoolers who are beaten and dragged behind pick-up trucks.

It just doesn’t get better by magic. The status quo is such that it does not get better just because you get past high school.




To me, the message needs to be: only you can make it better. There needs to be change enacted for it to ever get any better, not only when it comes to gay rights, but anything. Time does not improve the world naturally. Progress is not measured with a watch or a calendar, but in the decibel level of your voice. If you don’t speak out for change and publicly push for it, it ain’t gonna happen.

Which leads me to another criticism… I won’t name the kid, but this whole movement was because some gay guy jumped off a bridge when his roommate set up a webcam and broadcast some gay sexin’. This whole situation pissed me off, and not for any of the reasons given in the public debate.

For one thing, all the blame fell on the roommate with the webcam set up. Newsflash: it was the roommate’s room, too. It’s not like someone snuck into the kid’s room, invaded his personal space, installed a covert camera, and then broadcast it. It was his room, and he was kicked out by this guy who wanted to have sex with another guy.

As someone who lived in college dorms, I sympathize far more with the guy who was kicked out. I always made sure to schedule my sexual escapades around my roommate, and my roommate did the same. I always felt bad for (and gave a place to hang out and watch TV to) anyone who was in the situation of the “locked out” roommate.

So already I hate this kid for locking out his roommate. Strike one. Then, he goes and jumps off a bridge like a drama queen because people found out he was gay. Strike two. Then this kid’s family prosecuted (successfully) the roommate for doing nothing more than videotaping his own room. If it had been a security camera instead of a webcam, no one would have questioned it. Since it’s a “webcam” and the kid killed himself and was gay… that roommate is a monster.

Strike three, you’re out. Good riddance, I don’t miss you. I’m glad you did it, and I wish more people like you would jump off bridges. I hope the family dies in a firey car crash and that all vestiges of any DNA you had is wiped from the gene pool.

Why so much hostility? Well for one thing, it gives gay rights a bad name to attach itself to this incident. It’s a tacit admission that, “Hey, we idolize a guy who thought being gay was so awful that having other people know you’re gay is worth killing yourself over.” What the fuck kind of message is that? We shouldn’t be putting people on a pedestal for killing themselves after being outed. How does that make any sense?

Dan Savage is an icon of the gay culture, not a douche who took a flying leap off the George Washington when his homosexuality was made public. If Dan Savage wasn’t in some way associated with this whole “It Gets Better” thing, I would say it was hopeless. But Dan Savage can publicly say, “I’m gay,” and not want to die, and he fights tooth and nail for gay rights.

That is how it will get better, from gay activists who actually care about the gay community and who work to make it better for all, not from self-loathing cowards who aren’t worthy of even having me write their names. We should forget those types of people, the kind who run from their problems, the kind who give up, the quitters. They aren’t even worth a memory.

That is what we should be telling people. We should remind them that if you take the lazy way out, if you are too afraid to confront difficulty, we won’t honor you with anything, and we won’t even bother to remember you. I guarantee you that if that idea crosses the mind of someone looking over the ledge, it’s a whole lot more likely that they won’t jump than if they’re thinking, “I’ll be a hero for this…”

A Less Magical World

Religion has its own vocabulary and vernacular. Religion really changes how a person talks. Christianity is full of catch phrases and bumper stickers, and being away from it a while and then being exposed to it again makes one very conscious of the effect religion has on language.

One of these phrases comes up when I’m talking to religious people about how atheists see the world. I always get so much interesting information on what atheists think from Christians…

Usually not too far from a comment like, “If there wasn’t a God, we would still invent one,” the idea comes up that atheists see the world differently. It’s always intangible, but the expression “less magical” comes up. Not believing in God makes the world less magical…

Well, for one thing, gods are not necessary to have magic. I happen to not believe in gods or magic, but the two are independent stances. If I had evidence for gods, I would believe in them, but not magic… unless of course I had evidence that magic works.

But I also take issue with the implication that the world is better with magic. I don’t like the idea of some bearded hermit in a robe waving a staff over a cauldron and bending nature to his whim. If magic were part of our reality, individuals would wield too much power. That doesn’t work out too well with the types of power we have now, like wealth and brute strength.

Imagine a world where any dork with a wand can turn you into a newt.

Horrible.

Even though gods are not necessary for magic, I think the world may be better without gods, too. I think it’s a better universe for not having some guy in the sky who fucks with people’s lives on a bet, like Job, or orders armies to kill, rape, plunder and enslave, or plans to one day just destroy everything.

Yeah, the world is a less magical place as an atheist… but that doesn’t mean the world isn’t an interesting place. It’s no small coincidence that magic shows are one of the lowest forms of entertainment, just above mimes and juggling (but below juggling mimes).

Music Monday: AC/DC

Few bands survive the death of their frontman, but the nucleus of AC/DC was always the Young brothers, Angus and Malcolm. When Bon Scott died in 1980 in a pool of his own vomit (because I guess no one was willing to dive him and save him), Brian Johnson took the over the microphone. Fans expressed no bitterness towards the new singer, and quickly embraced him.

So, on this Memorial Day Monday, I’ll be rocking out with a little assist from Australia.

Two Dudes: Hobbies

On Society and Gender

I haven’t so much as read anyone’s opinion on the matter, but I did peruse an article that mentioned a Canadian family that is keeping a baby’s gender secret.

I hesitate to post anything about gender because my wife has a PhD in studying it. Anything I say will be picked apart and I will never hear the end of all of the errors in semantics and minutia. I’ll risk it anyway.

Before I start, if you consider yourself to have an alternative sexuality or gender, please don’t get offended by what I say. I know you have a enough bullshit to deal with, so if something I say sounds ignorant, it probably is and try you’re best to ignore that aspect until the end, and comment on it so I can be corrected.

I believe modern sexuality and gender are dramatically warped by Christianity. Judeo-Christian views on sexuality and gender have had an almost irreparable effect on society, and if I had been born a few decades ago, I may have felt like it was hopeless, but I see the radical liberalization of American sexuality as evidence that progress can be made (especially when sexual gratification is waiting at the finish line).

It’s a strange situation we find ourselves in. Homosexuality is anything but “unnatural,” and to my knowledge, no species of animal has no incidence of homosexual behavior. Penguins, bears, hell, even my dogs are gay. I don’t think they were born gay; they’re more “all boys-school” gay.

The opposition to gay marriage is ultimately just mean-spirited prejudice, regardless of what opponents say. These conservatives are the same people who hold marriage up on a pedestal, idolizing monogamy as the only way to live.

Then some queers come along and want to be monogamous, to express their loyalty and fidelity for each other, to do nothing more than to have their love and desire to start a family be legally recognized and defended by those who are charged with protecting the rights of citizens, but we can’t have the government approving of fags and dykes making it work when half of the sacred, heterosexual marriages end in divorce today.

Marriage is to be made of mockery of only by straight people.

I firmly believe these sorts of attitudes are warping us all, not just the haters who think we live in a time when there’s nothing better to do than stop gay people from getting married. We also have the small matter of how this sort of behavior warps the people who are the object of prejudice.

The most common problem is the old “closet.” The fact that anyone has to hide who they are is a sign that our society is failing. Gay people should not have to be ashamed of who they are.

Beyond even that, however, is a fascinating phenomenon with lots of names. Transsexual, transgender, intersexual, third gender, and other names have been applied, but the basic idea is that some people feel they are not actually the gender that is dictated by their genetics and natural genitalia.

I shy away from using the word “disorder” for this, because I find that it implies it’s somehow wrong or that a cure should be sought. I think medicine has already provided the “cure,” in that sexual reassignment therapies, ranging from hormonal to surgery, have been largely successful in allowing people to live as the gender with which they identify.

But asking why this happens is still worth doing. Trying to make any blanket statements is not something I do lightly, so I can only hypothesize as to why it might be possible that some people experience it.

Gender is strictly defined by society. During Freud’s time, he came to the conclusion that women had “penis envy.” In retrospect, I think most intelligent people can realize that this was likely a factor of how powerless women in Victorian society felt, and that the only thing holding them back was their gender. For a woman to “want a penis” may simply mean that the woman wants to be treated like a man, not a woman.

Ultimately, there may be people who are conflating social role with gender. I want to be pretty and catered to is female, I want to work hard and have power is male. This is obviously a gross oversimplification, but I believe it may be a factor.

The whole thing is further complicated by the fact that we live in a world where one can not only dream of being of the opposite gender, but you can actually go about doing so with relative success. To desire for primary and secondary sexual characteristics of another gender is not something I am qualified to discuss, but there is a lot going on in terms of identity.

This is particularly difficult for me to comment on, because I am a non-factor in my own sexuality. I don’t even think about myself in the sexual sense; all of my sexual attention is directed outward. I could be a hideous beast or the hottest person on Earth, I don’t think it would have much affect on me directly, only indirectly by who will be attracted to me.

And this may be part of how some people wish to use their own sexual-identity. There are gay people who are attracted to gay people, and there are gay people attracted to straight people. What if the urge to be the opposite gender stems from the desire to attract one’s desired type? Being a woman would sure increase the odds of attracting a straight guy, if that is what you prefer.

But I know this cannot universally be the case, because there are people who switch genders and continue dating what would have been the opposite of their birth gender (and are now same-sex relationships).

Then you have people who point to that fact that many people who wish to change their gender have been abused as children. These tend to be proponents of the idea that this type of behavior is a disorder, and this provides a convenient artificial cause. I include this only for the sake of completion.

In the same category as the above, there are those who see this behavior as a “choice.” I have seen people rail at length about how transsexuality is a cry for help or attention. There are people who actually believe that someone would choose to go through the expense and stress of changing their gender for little more than being able to say “I’m unique,” like an elaborate tattoo or piercing.

I don’t put much credence in the last two “explanations,” and it’s mean-spirited ideas like that which sort of disproves the idea that someone would make a choice like this on a whim. In fact, everyone undergoing gender reassignment has agonized over the decision at length and with a professional counselor. It’s more than a little patronizing to think this is a situation that is taken lightly by any involved.

And yet it is a mistake for some people. There are people who begin the process and stop at some point, or go through the process for years and can almost pass, but then decide to reverse everything they possibly can.

Some studies have found that many people who go through gender reassignment are not happier, even after years of medication and thousands of dollars in surgery, though there are plenty of people who purport to be happier both during the process and after they feel their transformation has been successful.

Turning attention away from the individuals undergoing the change, there are others affected around them. I imagine the family issues involved mirror those of homosexuals, in that there are closed minded responses and loving, accepting ones, and that one must cope with the former without knowing for certain who will provide the latter.

Then there is the matter of how potential dates will react. In this instance, I think female-to-male individuals have it easier, since there is less stigma among women regarding such a relationship, and I imagine male-to-female individuals risk violent reactions from men who would find such a situation to be threatening to their own gender identity. I am sure it is a tight-rope walk of being honest while not inundating someone with too much before they are comfortable. I don’t envy someone in that situation.

I sometimes wonder if our ideas of gender are the ultimate cause of people wanting to switch their gender. It may be that some people just won’t feel comfortable with who they are until their outward gender matches their internalized image of what they want to be and how they want to be seen.

Ultimately, and I don’t mean this to be offensive, but I don’t particularly condone this sort of behavior. Maybe that isn’t the right word, condone, but it’s the first that comes to mind. I don’t think it should be illegal, and I have no interest in talking a random person out of doing it.

However, if someone I knew well was considering gender reassignment, I would recommend against it. Obviously I would support whatever decision they make, but I oppose the whole process for the same reason I oppose plastic surgery in general.

I find society to be too hung up on appearances. We are obsessed with the surface, and in the process of perfecting our exteriors, we have let our inner selves turn to shit. Superficial bullshit should not be running our lives.

Maybe if all of our fiddling was harmless, I would be more inclined to write it off, but there are consequences and side effects that occur with all of our meddling. In some sense, these pioneer transgender individuals are blazing the trail and helping experts develop the methods to succeed in the future, but there is the small matter that these same people are used by the medical community as clinically depressed guinea pigs who are told that these risky procedures will make them happier.

At any rate, I must defer to the basic tenet that people are free to do whatever they want with their own body. I don’t think the “consequences” (or more accurately, the potential for consequences) warrant any sort of opposition on my part. If anything, I feel compelled to be supportive, because the added burden of choosing this path is such that I have sympathy.

And it is not a sympathy that derives from pity, but instead a sympathy that derives from knowing. While I have no such gender issues, I have the faintest inkling of how it feels to be in such a situation. Atheists face some of the same difficulties, and I am thankful no surgery or hormone pills were pushed on me in my pursuit of an alternative lifestyle.

There was a time when the medical profession made a pretty penny off of “curing” people of homosexuality. Now, I worry that they are profiting off of “curing” people of confusion that exists not within individuals, but within society, and that rather than having society change to accommodate the reality of the human experience, we are foisting extensive medical side effects onto individuals whose unusual situation is the product of a sick society, not a sick body.

But I could also be wrong, and it wouldn’t surprise me in this case.

Saturday Reflection #31

If I was to have been afflicted with any madness, I am infinitely glad that it was love.

On Liberal Sensitivity

I have two problems with most liberals. For one, most liberals are pussies. Also, a lot of them will take great offense at the use of the word “pussies,” and will go to great lengths to inform me of why, but they won’t address the fact that they are spineless wimps who only stand up for language Nazism.

I know I have said as such many times before, but I think it bears repeating and is worth a post addressing the problem directly again. The problem is so bad, I literally shy away from interacting with most liberals because I find the whole experience to be a waste of time. I would prefer to talk to people who have thick skin and who understand that language is not some insidious tool of oppression that should be handled gingerly.

Trust me. Comedians have been making jokes about politicians for decades, and yet they get more powerful every day. Language and laughter are not holding anyone back. In fact, everyone who’s ever made it had people laugh at them. It builds character, and growing from the experience might keep one from being a pussy.

Liberals have a legacy of language doctoring that probably can’t be shaken off easily, but it can be done. Remember, eugenics was liberal, Imperialism was liberal… a whole host of bad ideas were liberal (if only by virtue of new ideas not being conservative, by definition).

As a liberal, I think you need to get comfortable with the erroneous past and the inevitable mistakes that will be made in the future when it comes to liberalism as a core ideology. There’s no point in revising history; all you gotta do is admit that mistakes happen, and you have to be willing to work against your own ideas later if they turn out to fail.

As a liberal, you have to question every idea you have, holding nothing sacred, and you must be willing to admit when you are in error. You know, the basic things no conservative will ever do.

One of those mistakes was the politically correct movement. By the time it really took off in the 90’s, language was pretty much not a problem anymore. The PC movement was the culmination movement that pushed for a necessary shift in the way people spoke to each other. The only thing is, the ball really got rolling on “being PC” after the problem it was set to solve had all but completely evaporated.

In the absence of a real dilemma to solve, the liberal PC movement continued the 80’s censorship craze pioneered by Republican values groups. You have Tipper Gore out trying to infantilize the music industry, Columbine blamed on Marilyn Manson, and a general dumbing down of culture to the point that everything is kid friendly, mother approved.

It becomes all about the children. Oh, the poor, innocent children. Mercy me, a three year old just saw Janet Jackson’s tit in between hours of 300 pound men crashing into each other, causing violent head trauma. Most of these poor, innocent children were sucking on one just a few years before, but… Janet’s was pierced! Oh the humanity!

Kids aren’t scarred the way people think. I was born in 1983 and I grew up during all of this, and I can tell you: I still found porn and I still listened to dirty music… most of it awful. And I would have been saved from listening to it if it hadn’t been presented to me as forbidden.

I remember seeing Madonna’s book somewhere and being like “Whoa… something is happening in my pants.” And nothing is more regrettable than the fact that I owned not one, not two, but three Limp Bizkit CDs… and this was even when you could download songs on Napster. How was I smart enough to reject religion around this time, but dumb enough to listen to horrible music??

I think that generation, the one I’m a part of and which is growing up now, won’t stand for the same shit when we’re adults. We may be hindered a little because our model is so distorted, and I fear swinging too far in the opposite direction, but I think we can all agree: this country isn’t free so long as censorship is acceptable in any form.

I consider myself sort of a Family Guy liberal. I don’t find shock humor to be against my morals, and I think the mock outrage over every little thing people say has reached the point where I don’t care who said “nigger” anymore.

I think part of liberalism is tolerance, and that means tolerating not just people who have been oppressed, but also people who say things you find unconventional or offensive. You don’t have to like what someone is saying, but unless they are literally encouraging violence, they have the right to say whatever it is they want.

Even if someone is inciting hostility, I think the appropriate response is public ridicule, not legal action. Call me old fashioned and conservative on this one, but I don’t think it’s the government’s place to tell people what they can or cannot say. What happened to “Don’t make a Federal case out of it?”

The next time someone says something that is incredibly ignorant, instead of causing them to ignore you completely by presenting some reasoned argument with evidence and facts, just tell them to go fuck themselves. They’ll understand that.

Discussion: Is Religion Obsolete?

Is religion still necessary? I know it will be hard to divorce this question from the idea of whether religion will disappear, but what I’m asking essentially amounts to: if religion did disappear, would it reappear or be replaced?