Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Elderly Vice

Old people have always criticized the young. However, thanks to modern information gathering, we can finally begin to empirically prove that the elderly are no better than the young when it comes to intelligence.

For one thing, old people get around. Unlike many people in my generation, however, it would seem the elderly feel condoms are unnecessary. While some of the blame is being shoved on Viagra, I find it ridiculous to blame ED pills for the desire to have sex. Humans are sexual beings, and the fire of passion does not dim simply because the body weathers. Was Senator Larry Craig packing Viagra when he got caught in the Minnesota airport bathroom? I think not.

The elderly are also stereotyped as lacking the computer skills of their tech-savvy children. While I cannot attest to how accurate this is on the whole, it is supported by most anecdotal evidence I have gathered (ie: the very scientific process of asking those I know). While this claim cannot be the case for all of the elderly (which I define as someone who can remember when a nickel bought something), we all know an old person who asks us for help doing mundane computer tasks like transferring photos from a digital camera to a computer or attaching a file to an email.

Both of these problems are, I think, linked to the human condition. People are born ready to learn. By the time we are in our twenties, the learning phase of life is replaced by the action phase. While we never stop learning new things, the sheer volume of new information goes from a wild torrent in school to a mere trickle in the real world or work environment. We transition from exploring a multifaceted fascination with all things to a gradual specialization, a transition which aids us in our ability to find a career and master it.

So basically, I think old people won't use condoms for the same reason they won't learn how to use computers.

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