Friday, July 22, 2011

Pithy News 7/22/11

Ads were pulled which depicted men apologetically offering milk to a raging wife or girlfriend. The campaign sought to promote milk’s ability to prevent PMS, but was met with angry complaints from women who are clearly lactose intolerant.

A ten-year-old girl in Phoenix was found dead in a trunk this morning after playing a game of hide and seek last night (which she clearly won). She is a shoe-in for this year’s “Anne Frank Hide-and-Seek Lifetime Achievement Award™.”

Michele Bachman is blaming high heels for what are reported to be incapacitating migraines, which she has suffered through even while giving speeches. This is strange, because during a speech of hers, I also had a migraine, and I wasn’t wearing high heels at the time (I know, because it wasn’t a Saturday).

Rupert Murdoch testified in Britain regarding the hacking scandal surrounding newspapers in his company. His defense seems airtight, as he successfully argued that he was 80 years old, and that he can’t even access his own e-mails without assistance.

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