Wednesday, October 26, 2011

If Religions Were Games…

Judaism would be Monopoly. There’s a lot of rules to learn, but the goal seems to be to make the most money while bankrupting everyone else.

Christianity as a whole would be the card game War. The name is appropriate, and it’s so simple that any idiot can play.

Catholicism would be Twister. You often end up bending over backwards just to play along, and sometimes you get touched by others without your consent.

Baptists would be “The Quiet Game.” Need I say more?

Mormonism would be Chinese Checkers. It allows for more than just a pair of people to play together, plus it was invented in the 1800s.

Charismatic churches would be Bridge. It’s a game based on tricks, and while those playing are really involved, it just confuses the rest of us.

Islam would be Jenga. Don’t make me explain why…

Buddhism would be solitaire. You play alone, and the goal is to clear all the cards (empty your mind and achieve nothingness).

Scientology would be the game Operation. It seems vaguely based on scientific concepts, but it’s mostly just frustration and electronic beeps.

Hinduism would be Backgammon. It’s really old, and I have no clue how to play it.

Every minor cult in the past would be Mousetrap. They take a lot of effort to set up, they look impressive and fun when it’s ready, but they rarely work out like they were designed to (though when it does, it’s like you in a cage).

New Age spiritualism would be the game based on the TV show Happy Days. It hasn’t been relevant since the 70s, when it built itself around a mythology that naively idealized the past.

Did I miss any religions?

*Late Additions*

Evangelicals would be on a scavenger hunt. They’re always looking for specific things which will bring about the end of the game, and they bother people who aren’t even playing.

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