Please remember, this whole article is tongue in cheek. Granted, I wish it was a vegetarian’s tongue, but still…
Eating meat is intertwined with our physiology. The energy from meat allowed us to develop our brains, and was essential for human evolution.
When I see one of these plant-murdering vegetarian assholes try to lecture someone against eating meat, I have only one instinct: to hunt them.
What is wrong with you vegetarians? What did plants ever do to you? What have plants done to anyone? Plants don’t eat people or animals. Unless you’re eating a salad of Venus flytraps, you’re committing a genocide against innocent organisms that live off the sun, dirt and water.
Why do you vegetarians hate harmless vegetation that never did anything but make oxygen for you to breathe? How does it feel being a heartless, ungrateful piece of shit? People have been killed by pigs, but I have never heard of lettuce so much as injuring anyone.
I, on the other hand, eat primarily animals. Every animal on the planet eats other living things, either other animals or poor, defenseless plants. Animals are parasites upon the land. I try to eat only other parasites, because I respect plants and I don’t mind making that extra effort (I’m talking about long after eating… in the bathroom).
Vegetarians are willfully denying one of the most human activities: eating meat. Vegetarians might be human, I don’t know, I’m not a biologist. I do know, however, that vegetarians are lower on the food chain than me. Ergo, I should be allowed to eat them.
And before you judge me, remember: Hitler was a vegetarian. If I had had my way, someone would have eaten Hitler.
So really, you have to ask yourself, “Do I love Hitler?”