“…and never let the liberal media tell you otherwise,” barks the radio. George nods in agreement. Damn straight.
Red light. I hate these fucking things. As soon as you build up enough speed to really-
A boy jumps on the hood of his car. Standing akimbo with the glare of the early morning sun silhouetting his baggy clothing and wiry frame, the boy makes a hand gesture at him. It’s the kind of gesture George translates as, “I need to be taught a lesson.”
George puts the car in park and opens the car door. He does not see the man walk up behind him with a baseball bat. George manages to say “I bet you think you’re pretty-” before all two-hundred and forty pounds of him slump to the pavement.
When he comes to, he slowly tries to sit up, but fails. He succeeds in laying himself out in the snow-angel position. He turns his head to the left. His watch is gone. He turns his head to the right. He sees blood splattered on the concrete. He rolls onto his side and curls into the fetal position. He’s naked.
This isn’t happening.
He hears giggling. He cranes his neck back and sees five black children, three boys and two girls, looking at him. He can’t tell how far away they are, but they are hunched over to get a closer look. “Man, you got fucked up,” says one of the boys. He looks about the same age as George’s eight year old son. After some growls and coughs, they scream in mock terror which fades into laughter as they scatter.
He slowly climbs to one knee, then his bare feet. One hand cups his genitals, the other steadies himself on a telephone poll.
Where am I?
It’s not the best neighborhood. He is at least a fifteen minute drive away from his home. He doesn’t have a stitch of clothing, and his car is gone.
Panicked, George runs in front of the first vehicle that passes: a black Cadillac with a cross hanging from the rearview mirror. The ashen haired man behind the wheel stops just in time. It’s the priest from his local parish. Using both hands to shield his privates, George walks to the passenger side of the vehicle. The window cracks slightly, barely an inch.
“Sir, you got to help me. I was carjacked and they stole my clothes. I gotta get out of here.”
The priest scans him sidelong, mouth slightly agape. After an uncomfortable few seconds of silence, the priest replies: “I really would, but I’m already late for services and, well, frankly, the car is brand new and I… um… couldn’t help but notice that you soiled yourself.”
George hadn’t even realized the thick, brown feces caked between his thighs.
“I’ll pray for you, son. Maybe you should lay off the booze.”
The priest doesn’t even wait for George to step away before accelerating down the road.
Going the other way, he sees a silver SUV. He recognizes the man as someone from his church. He saw him at the fish fry last week, and he plays softball in the same league. The SUV doesn’t even slow down.
Not long after, a red pick-up truck playing Lynyrd Skynyrd approaches and stops. The driver has aviator sunglasses and sports a wicked mullet.
“What in the hell do we have here?” he shouts out the passenger window.
“Some kids, they took my car-”
“Niggers?”
“Huh?” replies George, shocked.
“I said: niggers take your car?”
“Um, I didn’t really get a good look at them. The kid who jumped on my car was black, but the person who hit me from behind-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” says the driver in the truck. “I ain’t talkin’ to no faggot with no clothes on, covered in shit, who gets hit from behind for the viewing pleasure of nigglets.”
“Wait, what? No, see, I never saw the guy’s face-”
“Look queer, I just pulled over to find out what gay-ass, butt-fucker quarrel you got into to be in this situation. I heard you pillow biters were into playing with shit, but goddamn! You don’t believe it ‘til you see it.”
The truck peels out, leaving black skids on the pavement. The truck has two bumper stickers: “Abortion stops a beating heart” and “Bush/Cheney ’04.”
Standing alone in the street, George is torn between screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs and bursting out into tears. Before he has to decide, a white Prius drives up. It stops, and the driver gets out of the car. He has several ear piercings and tattoos scattered along his arms. His Pearl Jam t-shirt is torn and stained.
“Hey man, you need some help?” the driver calls out.
George licks his lips and seems to genuinely ponder the question, “Yeah, my car and clothes were stolen.”
“Do you want to go to the police? Or home, to get dressed or something?”
“Home,” says George. “I want to go home.”
“Okay.” The driver looks the man up and down, squinting. He walks to his trunk, opens it, and pulls out some towels. “Here,” he says. “You can cover up and maybe wipe yourself off a bit.”
George takes them and promptly wraps one around his waist, and drapes the other over his shoulders like a shawl. The driver gets back into his car and motions George to the passenger seat.
“Yeah,” the driver says as he buckles up. “I keep those towels back there just in case. Shit happens when you party hard.”
“I wasn’t partying, I was carjacked,” George says. The driver pushes a button and the car turns on.
“Yeah, you mentioned that. That’s a bummer, dude.”
Great, he’s a fucking moron…
They sit in silence for a minute before the driver turns to George and says, “So, where’s home?”
“Oh right,” George says. “It’s just twelve blocks up this street, then a couple turns and you’re there.”
“Cool,” says the driver, putting the car into drive with a little joystick near the power button. “Just tell me when to turns.”
They drive in silence until another light.
“So, what’s your name?” asks the driver.
“George,” he replies.
“My name’s Sam,” says the driver after a pregnant pause.
George chuckles. “Sam… Sam the good Samaritan.”
“I guess you could say that,” Same replies with a smile on his face. “Did you have trouble getting help?”
“A little,” George says.
“Then I guess this is like the parable of the good Samaritan,” Sam says.
George turns to Sam and really looks at him for the first time. “You read the Bible?”
“Sure I have. I’ve read it from Genesis to the Revelation a couple times. Every thou, every beget, every vengeful word. That’s why I know better than to believe it.”
“Then, why pick me up?” says George. “Why be a good Samaritan if you don’t believe it? In fact, aren’t you proving my belief is right?”
“Even a broken clock is right twice a day,” Sam replies. “Just because the Bible correctly suggests a few admirable moral lessons doesn’t mean every word is valuable. The Bible models the world as flat and the sky as a solid dome that holds back the water that falls down as rain. It says everything was made in seven days.”
“It was.”
“Maybe your world. But the world I live in isn’t even done yet. Besides, if God makes everything, why did God stop creating cool animals like the platypus and giraffe, but he still has time to make stuff like AIDS, SARS, and a new cold virus every year?”
“AIDS is God’s way of punishing homosexuals and heroin addicts.”
“And haemophiliacs?” Sam asks.
“The weak should be culled from the flock.”
Sam laughs. “So… you believe in survival of the fittest, but not evolution?”
“I suppose I do,” says George.
“What about women raped by men infected with AIDS? What about innocent children born with it? Does your God punish children for the sins of their parents?”
“That’s just collateral damage,” says George.
Sam sighs. “I didn’t realize we were at war with the divine.”
They sit quietly for a while.
Sam decides to break the silence. “You know what the lesson of the Good Samaritan parable is about?”
“Be ever watchful for naked people who need a ride home?”
Sam laughs. “Maybe. But consider the context. Samaritans were a group that the Judeans were hostile with for centuries. Jesus was, as you may know, from Judea. He expected that using a Samaritan as the example of a good acting neighbor would shock those who heard the story. It loses some of its meaning with a modern audience. If you wanted to modernize it, it would be someone like, say, a Muslim or Buddhist or maybe even atheist who helps the man.”
“I can you tell without a doubt that Jesus didn’t mean that an atheist who did good works would get into heaven.”
The tires screech.
Sam stares daggers at George. “Get out of the fucking car.”
“What? Why?”
“I said get out of the fucking car. Leave the towels.”
“Please, you can’t just leave me out here naked.”
“I let you into my car and offered to drive you home. Then, you told me in so many words to go to hell. You know why your faith believes in forgiveness? Because people like you would have nothing in this world if it weren’t for all the second chances you get. My mother is dying of a disease that relies on stem-cell research for advances. I bet you voted for Bush, you Christ kissing douchebag. Get out of my fucking car.”
“But… you can’t leave me here naked,” George says, clutching the towels.
“I can,” Sam says. “There’s nothing stopping me. But you know what? I was raised to believe that even a wretch deserves mercy. Keep the towels.” Sam shifts some coins in a cup holder between the seats. “Here’s two quarters to make a pay phone call. Get the fuck out of my car.”
George takes the quarters and slowly gets out of the car, hoping Sam will change his mind. He stands outside with the door open for a few seconds. Sam sits silently staring forward. George closes the door. The white Prius hums as it drives away.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Top Ten: Songs Containing Innuendo
This list is in honor of the “Children’s Story or Porno Movie” posts. These are the top ten songs which use double entendre, euphemisms, and/or innuendo.
10. The Doors – Alabama Song
9. Deadeye Dick – New Age Girl
8. The Clash – Rock the Casbah
7. ZZ Top – Pearl Necklace
6. Lou Reed – Walk on the Wild Side
5. Blur – Girls and Boys
4. Aerosmith – Ten Inch Record
3. AC/DC – Big Balls
2. Jimi Hendrix – Foxy Lady
1. Bloodhound Gang – The Bad Touch
PS: I stopped posting links because it took almost as much time to do them as the list itself. All I was doing was copying and pasting into YouTube anyway for the links.
10. The Doors – Alabama Song
9. Deadeye Dick – New Age Girl
8. The Clash – Rock the Casbah
7. ZZ Top – Pearl Necklace
6. Lou Reed – Walk on the Wild Side
5. Blur – Girls and Boys
4. Aerosmith – Ten Inch Record
3. AC/DC – Big Balls
2. Jimi Hendrix – Foxy Lady
1. Bloodhound Gang – The Bad Touch
PS: I stopped posting links because it took almost as much time to do them as the list itself. All I was doing was copying and pasting into YouTube anyway for the links.
Children's Story or Porno Movie #4
1. Maid in Sweden
2. Open the Barn Door
3. My Little Pink Secret
4. Curious George Goes Camping
5. Harold and the Purple Crayon
6. What Do You Do With a Tail Like This?
7. Peek-a-who?
8. I Like To Watch
9. Blame it on Ginger
10. Hole Sweet Hole
Answers to #3
1. Bad Little School Girl - Porn
2. Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder - Story
3. The Mistletoe Mystery - Story
4. The Return Of Tori Welles - Porn
5. Out of Sight, Out of Mind - Story
6. The Magic Escape - Story
7. Tangled Web - Porn
8. Please, Baby, Please - Story
9. Tiabella - Porn
10. Fancy Nancy - Story
2. Open the Barn Door
3. My Little Pink Secret
4. Curious George Goes Camping
5. Harold and the Purple Crayon
6. What Do You Do With a Tail Like This?
7. Peek-a-who?
8. I Like To Watch
9. Blame it on Ginger
10. Hole Sweet Hole
Answers to #3
1. Bad Little School Girl - Porn
2. Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder - Story
3. The Mistletoe Mystery - Story
4. The Return Of Tori Welles - Porn
5. Out of Sight, Out of Mind - Story
6. The Magic Escape - Story
7. Tangled Web - Porn
8. Please, Baby, Please - Story
9. Tiabella - Porn
10. Fancy Nancy - Story
Sunday, September 13, 2009
September 12th Protest
It’s the day after, and it’s time to have a look back and put it all in perspective.
First, what am I talking about? Chances are good you might not have even heard, but there was a “Tax payer” rally in Washington on Saturday, September 12th. The goal was to protest Obama’s “tax and spend” policy (in stark contrast to the Republican “spend and spend” policy). Considering there are over a hundred million tax payers, surely millions showed up.
Before we analyze the numbers, here are some statistics for marches and rallies in the Washington area over the past century:
Aug 28 1963: “I have a dream” march = 250,000 people
Oct 15 1969: Vietnam War protest = 200,000 people
Nov 15 1969: Vietnam War protest = 600,000 people
Apr 24 1971: Vietnam War protest = 500,000 people
Sept 19 1981: Reagan protest = 260,000 people
Apr 25 1993: Gay Rights march = 300,000 people
Oct 16 1995: Million Man March (black rights) = 400,000 people [FALSE ADVERTISING!]
Apr 25 2004: Pro-choice rally = 800,000 – 1,100,000 people
This should help give some perspective when analyzing the attendance. So how did the September 12th protest go?
There’s quite a difference between conservative estimates and estimates by Conservatives. Right wing sources put the crowd size at a ballooning 450,000 on some sites, 1.2 million on others, and 2 million is a nice round, popular answer.
However, news agencies all reported “thousands” or “tens of thousands.” ABC News quoted the highest figure, estimating 70,000 at the busiest point.
Let’s see… protests with that few people… well we got this one:
Aug 8 1925: KKK march = 35,000
That’s comparable.
In fact, this site has a picture which shows the difference between the estimates by Right Wingers versus the estimates by unbiased, neutral sources.
And don’t try pulling any of this “liberal media” garbage; the media wanted this to be a huge story. They showed up expecting enormous crowds, and hyped it significantly. More coverage was given to it than any anti-war protest under Bush. People just didn’t show up because there isn’t that much support for this cause.
Of course, those evil left wing causes have huge lobby groups organizing them. This protest had none of that… except Dick Armey’s FreedomWorks Foundation, the Heartland Institute, Americans for Tax Reform, and the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights. Yep, just people spontaneously organizing for a cause...
What’s especially strange is the crowd. They aren’t really all Republicans. Many are Libertarian or simply hate Obama. The signs are particularly idiotic. Many mention things like “trading liberty for security,” which has nothing to do with anything Obama is doing. It was relevant for Bush. The same goes for government spending.
In fact, many slogans used were just recycled stuff the liberal shouted at conservatives for the past eight years. Even the Right Wingers are going green when it comes to signs. Other signs at the rally include:
“Jesus is the Messiah – Not Obama”
“Just Say No to Chicago Style Politics” with Obama Photoshopped as a pistol-wielding gangster
“Czars Get Out”
“Traitors Terrorists Run Our Government”
“"Don't blame me. I voted for The 'American.'” [birther alert!]
“You Can’t Fix Stupid But You Can Vote It Out” [really? Obama is stupid?]
“Hey Obamacare, Hands Off My Body” [Nice ironic use of pro-choice slogan]
“Save Freedom, Stop Obama”
“The Greatest Communist President We Ever Had”
“We Want Our Freedom Back”
And if you’re looking for Nazi references, look no further.
Also, can anyone tell me what freedoms we lost under Obama?
The problem is, all of this nonsense is just a small, fringe group of fools who the media have become convinced are deserving of “equal coverage.” Why do we need to balance our coverage? Why does justice need the counter balance of injustice? Tolerance with intolerance? Intelligence with stupidity?
The media is wrapped up in creating a debate. They construct a false dichotomy, whereby everything is either liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican, and no one is wrong, just different. Now that is liberal bullshit.
Republicans are trying to capitalize on a largely independent and Libertarian crowd and cause, one which has absolutely nothing to do with Republican politics as practiced in the last eight years. However, I’m not sure why they would want to be associated with a protest that can only draw NAMBLA sized crowds.
It was also the whitest crowd I have ever seen on TV. It looked like a NASCAR event was going to break out at any minute. You could have made a fortune selling SPF 80 sunscreen at this event.
The Republicans are burying themselves. They are quickly becoming the party who cried wolf. They are raising the alarm bells and shouting tyranny while Obama is providing reasonable compromise that doesn’t infringe upon any core Republican values.
If this is how Republicans act when confronted by a civil opponent, I think it’s time to show them what real oppression is. Who do I vote for to institute ideological gulags?
First, what am I talking about? Chances are good you might not have even heard, but there was a “Tax payer” rally in Washington on Saturday, September 12th. The goal was to protest Obama’s “tax and spend” policy (in stark contrast to the Republican “spend and spend” policy). Considering there are over a hundred million tax payers, surely millions showed up.
Before we analyze the numbers, here are some statistics for marches and rallies in the Washington area over the past century:
Aug 28 1963: “I have a dream” march = 250,000 people
Oct 15 1969: Vietnam War protest = 200,000 people
Nov 15 1969: Vietnam War protest = 600,000 people
Apr 24 1971: Vietnam War protest = 500,000 people
Sept 19 1981: Reagan protest = 260,000 people
Apr 25 1993: Gay Rights march = 300,000 people
Oct 16 1995: Million Man March (black rights) = 400,000 people [FALSE ADVERTISING!]
Apr 25 2004: Pro-choice rally = 800,000 – 1,100,000 people
This should help give some perspective when analyzing the attendance. So how did the September 12th protest go?
There’s quite a difference between conservative estimates and estimates by Conservatives. Right wing sources put the crowd size at a ballooning 450,000 on some sites, 1.2 million on others, and 2 million is a nice round, popular answer.
However, news agencies all reported “thousands” or “tens of thousands.” ABC News quoted the highest figure, estimating 70,000 at the busiest point.
Let’s see… protests with that few people… well we got this one:
Aug 8 1925: KKK march = 35,000
That’s comparable.
In fact, this site has a picture which shows the difference between the estimates by Right Wingers versus the estimates by unbiased, neutral sources.
And don’t try pulling any of this “liberal media” garbage; the media wanted this to be a huge story. They showed up expecting enormous crowds, and hyped it significantly. More coverage was given to it than any anti-war protest under Bush. People just didn’t show up because there isn’t that much support for this cause.
Of course, those evil left wing causes have huge lobby groups organizing them. This protest had none of that… except Dick Armey’s FreedomWorks Foundation, the Heartland Institute, Americans for Tax Reform, and the Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights. Yep, just people spontaneously organizing for a cause...
What’s especially strange is the crowd. They aren’t really all Republicans. Many are Libertarian or simply hate Obama. The signs are particularly idiotic. Many mention things like “trading liberty for security,” which has nothing to do with anything Obama is doing. It was relevant for Bush. The same goes for government spending.
In fact, many slogans used were just recycled stuff the liberal shouted at conservatives for the past eight years. Even the Right Wingers are going green when it comes to signs. Other signs at the rally include:
“Jesus is the Messiah – Not Obama”
“Just Say No to Chicago Style Politics” with Obama Photoshopped as a pistol-wielding gangster
“Czars Get Out”
“Traitors Terrorists Run Our Government”
“"Don't blame me. I voted for The 'American.'” [birther alert!]
“You Can’t Fix Stupid But You Can Vote It Out” [really? Obama is stupid?]
“Hey Obamacare, Hands Off My Body” [Nice ironic use of pro-choice slogan]
“Save Freedom, Stop Obama”
“The Greatest Communist President We Ever Had”
“We Want Our Freedom Back”
And if you’re looking for Nazi references, look no further.
Also, can anyone tell me what freedoms we lost under Obama?
The problem is, all of this nonsense is just a small, fringe group of fools who the media have become convinced are deserving of “equal coverage.” Why do we need to balance our coverage? Why does justice need the counter balance of injustice? Tolerance with intolerance? Intelligence with stupidity?
The media is wrapped up in creating a debate. They construct a false dichotomy, whereby everything is either liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican, and no one is wrong, just different. Now that is liberal bullshit.
Republicans are trying to capitalize on a largely independent and Libertarian crowd and cause, one which has absolutely nothing to do with Republican politics as practiced in the last eight years. However, I’m not sure why they would want to be associated with a protest that can only draw NAMBLA sized crowds.
It was also the whitest crowd I have ever seen on TV. It looked like a NASCAR event was going to break out at any minute. You could have made a fortune selling SPF 80 sunscreen at this event.
The Republicans are burying themselves. They are quickly becoming the party who cried wolf. They are raising the alarm bells and shouting tyranny while Obama is providing reasonable compromise that doesn’t infringe upon any core Republican values.
If this is how Republicans act when confronted by a civil opponent, I think it’s time to show them what real oppression is. Who do I vote for to institute ideological gulags?
How Things Have Changed
CHARACTERS
Raef ....................................Elder priestess of the tribe
Nam ...................................The tribe’s chieftain
Oge .....................................The tribe’s top hunter, advisor to Nam
The Time: 1,001,494 BCE
The Place: 50 kilometers northwest of modern Johannesburg, South Africa
(RAEF runs up to NAM and OGE, who are both leaning against the entrance to a limestone cave)
RAEF: (out of breath from a long sprint) Nam, I demand that we stop using fire immediately.
NAM: (sigh) What is it now?
RAEF: Another hut burned to the ground today. That’s seven this season. Four people have died.
OGE: Did any die this time?
RAEF: No, but three are homeless!
NAM: I’ll consider your proposal, Raef.
RAEF: You don’t have time; the gods are punishing us already.
OGE: There are no gods.
RAEF: (gasp)
NAM: (to OGE) Please, let me handle this.
RAEF: Blasphemy! Throw him into the river!
NAM: No one’s being thrown in the river.
RAEF: Look, fire is unnatural. It spits in the eye of the Sun God.
OGE: And yet the sun still rises.
RAEF: (annoyed) It is the responsibility of the Sun to provide light and warmth. Fire is beyond the control of man. Look at all the trouble it brings.
NAM: I’m aware there are dangers. I trust the tribe to practice responsible use.
RAEF: The tribe is too stupid! They can’t be trusted with anything! Even the eldest cooks in the tribe still burn themselves occasionally. And need I mention what might happen if we start a fire so big it burns the entire world?
NAM: I am concerned, I assure you. I want the best for the tribe.
RAEF: The gods command it, Nam. It’s not what I want. You know I enjoy my meat cooked, but the gods are very clear. The weather has been worsening and –
OGE: Of course it’s worsening, winter is almost here.
RAEF: This has been a particularly harsh fall, even you know that.
OGE: The leaves changed and the birds flew off. It seems like a perfectly normal autumn to me.
RAEF: Nam, surely you won’t sit idly by as the tribe descends from the grace of the gods?
NAM: What if fire is a gift from the gods?
RAEF: Outrageous! The gods provide, and they need no help from human tampering.
OGE: They just need our offerings in front of the prayer cave?
RAEF: Those are sacrifices to honor gods. They are a sign of respect, something you wouldn’t know anything about.
OGE: How do the gods enjoy our choicest meats, grains, berries and nuts?
NAM: Enough. We will continue to use fire.
RAEF: You have placed a death sentence on the tribe!
NAM: Maybe, but I believe the gods gave us the ability to make fire, and we honor the gods by making the most of what we have been given.
RAEF: And what would you say to countless hundreds who will be injured by fire?
OGE: Be more careful.
RAEF: But we can’t expect the tribe to be responsible; we should at least restrict the use of fire.
NAM: I’ll think about it.
RAEF: (walks away) What next? The wheel?
Raef ....................................Elder priestess of the tribe
Nam ...................................The tribe’s chieftain
Oge .....................................The tribe’s top hunter, advisor to Nam
The Time: 1,001,494 BCE
The Place: 50 kilometers northwest of modern Johannesburg, South Africa
(RAEF runs up to NAM and OGE, who are both leaning against the entrance to a limestone cave)
RAEF: (out of breath from a long sprint) Nam, I demand that we stop using fire immediately.
NAM: (sigh) What is it now?
RAEF: Another hut burned to the ground today. That’s seven this season. Four people have died.
OGE: Did any die this time?
RAEF: No, but three are homeless!
NAM: I’ll consider your proposal, Raef.
RAEF: You don’t have time; the gods are punishing us already.
OGE: There are no gods.
RAEF: (gasp)
NAM: (to OGE) Please, let me handle this.
RAEF: Blasphemy! Throw him into the river!
NAM: No one’s being thrown in the river.
RAEF: Look, fire is unnatural. It spits in the eye of the Sun God.
OGE: And yet the sun still rises.
RAEF: (annoyed) It is the responsibility of the Sun to provide light and warmth. Fire is beyond the control of man. Look at all the trouble it brings.
NAM: I’m aware there are dangers. I trust the tribe to practice responsible use.
RAEF: The tribe is too stupid! They can’t be trusted with anything! Even the eldest cooks in the tribe still burn themselves occasionally. And need I mention what might happen if we start a fire so big it burns the entire world?
NAM: I am concerned, I assure you. I want the best for the tribe.
RAEF: The gods command it, Nam. It’s not what I want. You know I enjoy my meat cooked, but the gods are very clear. The weather has been worsening and –
OGE: Of course it’s worsening, winter is almost here.
RAEF: This has been a particularly harsh fall, even you know that.
OGE: The leaves changed and the birds flew off. It seems like a perfectly normal autumn to me.
RAEF: Nam, surely you won’t sit idly by as the tribe descends from the grace of the gods?
NAM: What if fire is a gift from the gods?
RAEF: Outrageous! The gods provide, and they need no help from human tampering.
OGE: They just need our offerings in front of the prayer cave?
RAEF: Those are sacrifices to honor gods. They are a sign of respect, something you wouldn’t know anything about.
OGE: How do the gods enjoy our choicest meats, grains, berries and nuts?
NAM: Enough. We will continue to use fire.
RAEF: You have placed a death sentence on the tribe!
NAM: Maybe, but I believe the gods gave us the ability to make fire, and we honor the gods by making the most of what we have been given.
RAEF: And what would you say to countless hundreds who will be injured by fire?
OGE: Be more careful.
RAEF: But we can’t expect the tribe to be responsible; we should at least restrict the use of fire.
NAM: I’ll think about it.
RAEF: (walks away) What next? The wheel?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Generation Too Late
America used to be a decent place. The rich were taxed about half their income, and our government funneled the money into public works like highways, schools, universities, etc. After World War II, America took an unquestioning seat at the head of the table, and the rest of the world looked to us for innovation.
Then the Hippies failed. They drugged themselves numb until they died off or lost their spirit to do good. By the end of the 70’s, all that survived were the Yuppies: Generation Mine.
They elected Saint Ronald Reagan. They bought the garbage religion that the rich drive the economy with their wealth. They stopped taxing the rich so much, allowing an ever-widening pay gap to balloon out of control. Meanwhile, social institutions and safety nets began falling apart without money to fund them.
My generation gets nothing. We get awful education by underfunded schools using computers older than we are. We get crumbling roads and bridges. We get student loan debt that buries us in interest payments. We get part-time jobs with no benefits. We get rented apartments because no one in their right mind would loan money now. There are no jobs, because the Yuppies gambled away their future and have to work past retirement.
My generation showed up to a party at 3am, when the kegs were tapped and nearly everyone had gone home. They got their fill, and we've been left to clean up.
The problem is, the Yuppies don’t realize how my generation parties. When the keg is tapped, we don’t go home and sleep. No.
We take to the streets. We break things. We spray paint your store fronts, piss in the tanks of your luxury cars, and smash your fancy lawn ornaments. This is not the Woodstock ’69 generation, this is the Woodstock ’99 generation. We want something to burn.
This is a generation of frustrated, angry young people. Until we have jobs, all we have is free time to watch, wait, and plan. If we can’t earn what we need, we will take what we want. The question is: what will be left when we’re through?
Then the Hippies failed. They drugged themselves numb until they died off or lost their spirit to do good. By the end of the 70’s, all that survived were the Yuppies: Generation Mine.
They elected Saint Ronald Reagan. They bought the garbage religion that the rich drive the economy with their wealth. They stopped taxing the rich so much, allowing an ever-widening pay gap to balloon out of control. Meanwhile, social institutions and safety nets began falling apart without money to fund them.
My generation gets nothing. We get awful education by underfunded schools using computers older than we are. We get crumbling roads and bridges. We get student loan debt that buries us in interest payments. We get part-time jobs with no benefits. We get rented apartments because no one in their right mind would loan money now. There are no jobs, because the Yuppies gambled away their future and have to work past retirement.
My generation showed up to a party at 3am, when the kegs were tapped and nearly everyone had gone home. They got their fill, and we've been left to clean up.
The problem is, the Yuppies don’t realize how my generation parties. When the keg is tapped, we don’t go home and sleep. No.
We take to the streets. We break things. We spray paint your store fronts, piss in the tanks of your luxury cars, and smash your fancy lawn ornaments. This is not the Woodstock ’69 generation, this is the Woodstock ’99 generation. We want something to burn.
This is a generation of frustrated, angry young people. Until we have jobs, all we have is free time to watch, wait, and plan. If we can’t earn what we need, we will take what we want. The question is: what will be left when we’re through?
Children's Story or Porno Movie #3
1. Bad Little School Girl
2. Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder
3. The Mistletoe Mystery
4. The Return Of Tori Welles
5. Out of Sight, Out of Mind
6. The Magic Escape
7. Tangled Web
8. Please, Baby, Please
9. Tiabella
10. Fancy Nancy
The answers to the last installment:
1. Sweet As They Come - Porn
2. Bubble Butts - Porn
3. Gettin' Lucky - Porn
4. Vanilla Pie - Porn
5. Eloise Takes a Bath - Story
6. Where The Boy's Aren't - Porn
7. I'm Gonna Like Me - Story
8. Everybody Loves Raylene - Porn
9. Coming Of Age - Porn
10. Daddy's Little Boy - Story
2. Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder
3. The Mistletoe Mystery
4. The Return Of Tori Welles
5. Out of Sight, Out of Mind
6. The Magic Escape
7. Tangled Web
8. Please, Baby, Please
9. Tiabella
10. Fancy Nancy
The answers to the last installment:
1. Sweet As They Come - Porn
2. Bubble Butts - Porn
3. Gettin' Lucky - Porn
4. Vanilla Pie - Porn
5. Eloise Takes a Bath - Story
6. Where The Boy's Aren't - Porn
7. I'm Gonna Like Me - Story
8. Everybody Loves Raylene - Porn
9. Coming Of Age - Porn
10. Daddy's Little Boy - Story
Friday, September 11, 2009
You Lie! No, You Lie!
I took a nap through most of the Obama speech, but I woke up during parts of it. I actually did see the part where Obama said they would not cover illegal immigrants, but I didn’t take much notice of the jeers. For one thing, I would expect no less from the Republicans, so I was honestly not surprised in the least.
Apparently everyone afterwards took notice of one Joe Wilson, who was singled out as the Republican scapegoat because you could hear him over everyone else. Also, he pointed his finger, which is rude (in 3rd grade).
To me, it’s not about Obama being right or wrong, truthful or a liar. I disagree with him on many things. It’s about politely waiting for the other person to finish. You know what Democrats learned to do? Watch them when a Republican is talking: they take notes. They don’t do it because they cherish every word, but because actually addressing what someone says with a full explaination is what civilized adults do. Shouting at someone in a room full of people while they are giving a prepared speech just makes you, well, a Republican.
The truth is, all the Republican elected officials ought to be strapped to a chair, have their eye lids held open and made to watch every speech Bush made to Congress in the last eight years, over and over and over again.
Then, if their minds haven’t completely turned into American cheese, strip them down and make them run naked through a gauntlet of the Democrats holding paddles. Maybe let the Republican aides get a few licks in, as well. It’s really nothing these frat boys haven’t done before.
That is your place. You are meaningless, sniveling rats. You lost. Get over it. Democrats put up with your shit for eight years, twelve in Congress. You had your chance, and you fucked it up big time. If your ideas didn’t suck, you wouldn’t be in this situation.
Real adults accept that you can’t win them all. Real adults acknowledge defeat. Real adults admit when they have been wrong. Real adults apologize. Joe Wilson impressed me; he’s the first Republican in a long time who has apologized. [Of course, some conservatives, like Rush Limbaugh, wish he had not apologized.]
Relax, take it easy, and stop acting like whiney children. The world didn’t end when Bush was President, I’m positive Obama will do fine. Go back to your yachts, have some martinis, fuck your mistresses, and go home to your families. Sleep in late tomorrow, who cares. You aren’t in power anymore. Stop acting like you are the will of the people.
Now if we could just get the Democrats to grow some adult teeth…
Apparently everyone afterwards took notice of one Joe Wilson, who was singled out as the Republican scapegoat because you could hear him over everyone else. Also, he pointed his finger, which is rude (in 3rd grade).
To me, it’s not about Obama being right or wrong, truthful or a liar. I disagree with him on many things. It’s about politely waiting for the other person to finish. You know what Democrats learned to do? Watch them when a Republican is talking: they take notes. They don’t do it because they cherish every word, but because actually addressing what someone says with a full explaination is what civilized adults do. Shouting at someone in a room full of people while they are giving a prepared speech just makes you, well, a Republican.
The truth is, all the Republican elected officials ought to be strapped to a chair, have their eye lids held open and made to watch every speech Bush made to Congress in the last eight years, over and over and over again.
Then, if their minds haven’t completely turned into American cheese, strip them down and make them run naked through a gauntlet of the Democrats holding paddles. Maybe let the Republican aides get a few licks in, as well. It’s really nothing these frat boys haven’t done before.
That is your place. You are meaningless, sniveling rats. You lost. Get over it. Democrats put up with your shit for eight years, twelve in Congress. You had your chance, and you fucked it up big time. If your ideas didn’t suck, you wouldn’t be in this situation.
Real adults accept that you can’t win them all. Real adults acknowledge defeat. Real adults admit when they have been wrong. Real adults apologize. Joe Wilson impressed me; he’s the first Republican in a long time who has apologized. [Of course, some conservatives, like Rush Limbaugh, wish he had not apologized.]
Relax, take it easy, and stop acting like whiney children. The world didn’t end when Bush was President, I’m positive Obama will do fine. Go back to your yachts, have some martinis, fuck your mistresses, and go home to your families. Sleep in late tomorrow, who cares. You aren’t in power anymore. Stop acting like you are the will of the people.
Now if we could just get the Democrats to grow some adult teeth…
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Top Ten: Songs About Flying
In honor of the Mexican airplane hijacking, here are my top ten favorite songs vaguely related to flying:
10. Buffalo Springfield – Expecting To Fly
9. Steve Miller Band – Fly Like An Eagle
8. Curtis Mayfield – Superfly
7. Lenny Kravitz – Fly Away
6. Foo Fighters – Learn To Fly
5. Jimi Hendrix – Night Bird Flying
4. The Beatles – Black Bird
3. Pink Floyd – Learning To Fly
2. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers – Learning To Fly
1. Lynyrd Skynyrd – Free Bird
10. Buffalo Springfield – Expecting To Fly
9. Steve Miller Band – Fly Like An Eagle
8. Curtis Mayfield – Superfly
7. Lenny Kravitz – Fly Away
6. Foo Fighters – Learn To Fly
5. Jimi Hendrix – Night Bird Flying
4. The Beatles – Black Bird
3. Pink Floyd – Learning To Fly
2. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers – Learning To Fly
1. Lynyrd Skynyrd – Free Bird
Relief from Oppression or Violation of Freedom?
It appears the French are literally playing fashion police, again. There is already a ban in French schools of Muslim headscarves, Jewish kippahs, and Christian crosses (no word on whether teachers can drive Saturn or Mercury cars).
I have teetered back and forth on how I feel about this issue. The fact that a Muslim women’s group supports the ban does not sway me; people of different levels of religiosity try to oppress each other all the time, and it’s not right to play into their games.
Of course there are women who oppose the wearing of full body burqas; I bet most do. However, there are undoubtedly women who would freely choose to wear them. Even if one woman wanted to wear a burqa but was restricted by her government based solely on the possibility – even the certainty – that someone would be victimized… I don’t know. It’s hard to weigh.
Of course, what will banning burqas even do? Does that really change how a woman is treated? Are there not a multitude of ways in which her husband and the community will beat her down? Should her government, which has failed to protect her in these more important matters, be butting into her life in a completely useless way?
I want to say that people should be responsible and wear them if they wish. I want to say that men shouldn’t force their wives to wear them. I want to believe that would be enough. I want to believe they aren’t hiding bruises from being beaten. Yet, I have trouble believing things; I need proof.
I have always viewed the family as something that can victimize you. I have a good family, and nearly everyone I have ever known has had nothing but good things to say about their family. However, the saddest stories I ever hear are always about trouble with family. There’s usually no recourse, no higher authority to appeal. Instead, the relationship is strained, or they are completely cut off, optionless (which is where government support is most needed, but sorely lacking).
Sometimes the government needs to “butt in” to stop bad things from happening. Are clothes worth all the fuss? Apparently to the French, they are.
I have teetered back and forth on how I feel about this issue. The fact that a Muslim women’s group supports the ban does not sway me; people of different levels of religiosity try to oppress each other all the time, and it’s not right to play into their games.
Of course there are women who oppose the wearing of full body burqas; I bet most do. However, there are undoubtedly women who would freely choose to wear them. Even if one woman wanted to wear a burqa but was restricted by her government based solely on the possibility – even the certainty – that someone would be victimized… I don’t know. It’s hard to weigh.
Of course, what will banning burqas even do? Does that really change how a woman is treated? Are there not a multitude of ways in which her husband and the community will beat her down? Should her government, which has failed to protect her in these more important matters, be butting into her life in a completely useless way?
I want to say that people should be responsible and wear them if they wish. I want to say that men shouldn’t force their wives to wear them. I want to believe that would be enough. I want to believe they aren’t hiding bruises from being beaten. Yet, I have trouble believing things; I need proof.
I have always viewed the family as something that can victimize you. I have a good family, and nearly everyone I have ever known has had nothing but good things to say about their family. However, the saddest stories I ever hear are always about trouble with family. There’s usually no recourse, no higher authority to appeal. Instead, the relationship is strained, or they are completely cut off, optionless (which is where government support is most needed, but sorely lacking).
Sometimes the government needs to “butt in” to stop bad things from happening. Are clothes worth all the fuss? Apparently to the French, they are.
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