Saturday, September 10, 2011

Random Advice

If you have a long plane trip ahead, don’t shave your pubic hair.

Cell phones get lost and broken all the time, so be sure to always keep a written record of the phone numbers for all of your drug dealers.

If your band is worried about people stealing your music online, you can trip up pirates by changing your name to something like “Topless Blonde” or “Interracial Gangbang.”

If you plan to be camping in windy weather, and you’re worried about your campfire going out, build one using those trick birthday candles.

You look like an idiot if you criticize people for eating “processed food” while eating soy that has been chemically altered to the point where it resembles something else entirely.

If you are ever caught sleeping with someone’s wife, “But she’s already pregnant” is not an acceptable excuse.

It’s offensive to ask a gay couple, “Who wears the pants in the relationship?” You are supposed to ask, “Who wears the condom?”

It’s not worth losing your mind trying to find yourself.

Ladies: it’s not anorexia if you like how you look.

There’s little one can do about tomorrow, but next week is under your control; tomorrow is almost history.

Atheists should make a goal out of turning every church into a museum.

A good time to clean out your car of all those old ketchup packets and straw wrappers if when you see one of those “Adopt-A-Highway” signs and you hate the organization who adopted that stretch.

Breakfast the next morning does not count as a second date.

If you’re driven by money, you’re stuck sitting in the passenger seat of life.


  1. Atheists should make a goal out of turning every church into a museum.

    I just shook my bowed head, eyes cast downward.

  2. Then why did you come here John?

  3. Anonymous said...

    Then why did you come here John?

    I did not come here because I am antheist. I am, but I came here because the site entertains me.

  4. John, are you saying churches shouldn't be museums?

  5. Bret, unfortunately I am involved in too many debates to say what I am saying, lest another debate follow.

    I am an atheist, but I don't think religions are evil or that they explain why men act the way they do when they use them for evil.

    Religion is a tool and can be used for a world of good or a world of bad and I see it used both ways.

    Unfortunately, I snipe a lot and end up in many debates as a result, though that is never my intention. I current have about six hours of work related to my day job to do. I am concurrently involved in two very heated debates, each racing toward 100 comments. I am in the process of writing a post for MMA and another post for Mysterious Things (which I will probably shelve now, due to time constraints).

    I just don't have time to engage in another debate, so just agree with me and move on :).

    Also, I know you are worried that I have forgotten about my post about the Palestinian Conflict. Worry not, it is still in my radar and will surface in due time (I was considering cross posting it here, if you would allow it, since this was the place that most inspires the completion of the post). That is a question for a future discussion, though.

    Either way, it will be posted at John Myste Responds or MMA (and cross posted here if permitted). Keep in mind that it aggressively counters your position in this matter.

  6. I don't see religion as evil, just amusingly obsolete.

  7. If he hated religion, wouldnt he say we should burn churches to the ground?

  8. Yeah, there's a lot of ground between turning a church into a museum and burning it down.


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