Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Snippet: Talent
Talent is like herpes: once you get it, you have it for life, but other people can’t always see you have it.
Wednesday Word: Famspam
Famspam: masses of e-mails or Facebook status updates from family members (or sometimes office secretaries) that have usually been forwarded thousands of times, covering such insipid topics as jokes so bad they are attributed to Jay Leno, pea-brained political propaganda, promises of some medical miracle or social justice initiative being achieved if only you also pass it along… and many, many others, none of which you want to read
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Snippet: Saint No Miracle
I don’t understand why the Catholic Church thinks you need to perform miracles to become a saint. If you ask me, miracles take all the real work out of being a saint. A miracle is just God cheating, but if you don’t get God’s help and you have to do good deeds all on your own… that’s worth being honored.
Top Ten: Vulgar Portmanteaux That Are Underused
10. Femibitch
9. Misogydick
8. Fatherfucker
7. Lacrosstitute
6. Twatsauce
5. Asscheese
4. Cocksicle
3. Intercorpse
2. Masturbacation
1. Cunthole
9. Misogydick
8. Fatherfucker
7. Lacrosstitute
6. Twatsauce
5. Asscheese
4. Cocksicle
3. Intercorpse
2. Masturbacation
1. Cunthole
Snippet: God’s Image
Jews, Christians and Muslims claim that people were made in God’s image, and more specifically, men were. My question, then, is what does God do with His penis? God is supposedly the only god, so what does God need male genitalia for? I’m sort of forced to imagine God jerking off incessantly for eons… which kind of explains “the surface of the deep” in the first chapter of Genesis. Hmm… no wonder the sea is salty.
Also, why does God look so much like an ape?
Also, why does God look so much like an ape?
Monday, April 2, 2012
I Was Interviewed
I conducted a brief interview via email with the blog “Sergio Politics.” Feel free to read it here, where I address questions about the 2012 election.
A Lot of People Can’t Picture Having a Gun to Their Head
So, I did a little survey again, asking: “Gun to your head, which of these would you select to actually be the US president?” And, once again, the results surprised me a little. Here they are, for the sake of posterity:
Mitt Romney 15 (15%)
Rick Santorum 0 (0%)
Newt Gingrich 0 (0%)
Ron Paul 36 (36%)
“Pull the trigger” 49 (49%)
Total votes: 100
At 100 votes, it almost seems ridiculous to post the percentages, but old habits are hard to break.
I’ll address the last response first, because it’s so monumentally telling. With 49 votes in favor of getting a bullet in the head over selecting any of the Republican presidential nominees, I can conclude that half of the people who visited my site in the last few weeks and voted are drama queens. Not much more to say about that one, except that I know for a fact that few, if any, would actually choose to die before selecting one of these four men to be president. Next time I won’t even give people an out, because it’s obvious that too many were unwilling to actually make a tough choice (which might be America’s biggest problem: we’d rather die than decide).
I’m a little surprised by the Ron Paul win over Romney. Unlike most of the other polls, I did vote in this one, as did my wife, and we chatted briefly about it when I first put the poll up. We both picked Romney over Ron Paul, because Ron Paul is fucking insane and Romney has gubernatorial experience that neither of us find too repugnant.
I’m sure some portion of those who chose Ron Paul actually support him, but I know I don’t have 36 Ron Paul fans who read my blog, so I’m of the opinion that a fair number of normal people chose him, which leads me to believe there’s a lot of pot smokers who frequent my blog who don’t know much about politics or Ron Paul.
Bear in mind that 99% of what Ron Paul says he will do are things he can never do, even if he were president. He can’t decide not to declare war, Congress does that. He can’t decide to end the war on drugs, Congress does that, also. He can’t end the Fed, legalize prostitution, lower government spending, eliminate the minimum wage or Social Security or Medicare or Medicaid… he can’t do most of the things he says he’ll do, because the Constitution (which he supposedly adheres to) does not grant him the power to do so.
The best he could do is end the wars, but even then, his generals will be the ones deciding how fast they leave. In many ways, this would be Paul’s saving grace, since he would be unable to bring to fruition some of his more insane policies, but I’m still confident I would rather not live in a country suffering from the consequences of this man’s presidency.
In short, Ron Paul is a political hack that only naïve frat boys still have a boner for. At this point, if you can’t see through Ron Paul’s bullshit, you should seek treatment for mercury poisoning, because you have some crossed wires upstairs.
This isn’t to say Romney is a good candidate. I wouldn’t vote for him in a real election, I can just look at these four men and make an informed decision that between them, Romney is clearly the most intelligent choice.
I’m kind of shocked Newt Gingrich got no votes. I’m not surprised in the least that Santorum got no support from people who read my blog, but Newt Gingrich would still be a better choice than Ron Paul. In my opinion, only Santorum is comparable in horribleness to Ron Paul.
Gingrich is forward-thinking and has a record of working with Democrats. I’m not sure how he got zero support, and I would be willing to bet he would have gotten some votes if I had asked this earlier in the campaign. I wonder if perhaps his penchant for acting outraged over every little thing lately has resulted in his sharp decline in popularity, but honestly… I can’t fault him for it, because it’s cheap publicity. It shows political savvy and a willingness to fight on against the odds, and I kind of respect that quality in him, even if he is a manipulative douchebag.
Still, I have to give it to Romney. He’s the only one with executive experience, and his moderate record speaks for itself.
Mitt Romney 15 (15%)
Rick Santorum 0 (0%)
Newt Gingrich 0 (0%)
Ron Paul 36 (36%)
“Pull the trigger” 49 (49%)
Total votes: 100
At 100 votes, it almost seems ridiculous to post the percentages, but old habits are hard to break.
I’ll address the last response first, because it’s so monumentally telling. With 49 votes in favor of getting a bullet in the head over selecting any of the Republican presidential nominees, I can conclude that half of the people who visited my site in the last few weeks and voted are drama queens. Not much more to say about that one, except that I know for a fact that few, if any, would actually choose to die before selecting one of these four men to be president. Next time I won’t even give people an out, because it’s obvious that too many were unwilling to actually make a tough choice (which might be America’s biggest problem: we’d rather die than decide).
I’m a little surprised by the Ron Paul win over Romney. Unlike most of the other polls, I did vote in this one, as did my wife, and we chatted briefly about it when I first put the poll up. We both picked Romney over Ron Paul, because Ron Paul is fucking insane and Romney has gubernatorial experience that neither of us find too repugnant.
I’m sure some portion of those who chose Ron Paul actually support him, but I know I don’t have 36 Ron Paul fans who read my blog, so I’m of the opinion that a fair number of normal people chose him, which leads me to believe there’s a lot of pot smokers who frequent my blog who don’t know much about politics or Ron Paul.
Bear in mind that 99% of what Ron Paul says he will do are things he can never do, even if he were president. He can’t decide not to declare war, Congress does that. He can’t decide to end the war on drugs, Congress does that, also. He can’t end the Fed, legalize prostitution, lower government spending, eliminate the minimum wage or Social Security or Medicare or Medicaid… he can’t do most of the things he says he’ll do, because the Constitution (which he supposedly adheres to) does not grant him the power to do so.
The best he could do is end the wars, but even then, his generals will be the ones deciding how fast they leave. In many ways, this would be Paul’s saving grace, since he would be unable to bring to fruition some of his more insane policies, but I’m still confident I would rather not live in a country suffering from the consequences of this man’s presidency.
In short, Ron Paul is a political hack that only naïve frat boys still have a boner for. At this point, if you can’t see through Ron Paul’s bullshit, you should seek treatment for mercury poisoning, because you have some crossed wires upstairs.
This isn’t to say Romney is a good candidate. I wouldn’t vote for him in a real election, I can just look at these four men and make an informed decision that between them, Romney is clearly the most intelligent choice.
I’m kind of shocked Newt Gingrich got no votes. I’m not surprised in the least that Santorum got no support from people who read my blog, but Newt Gingrich would still be a better choice than Ron Paul. In my opinion, only Santorum is comparable in horribleness to Ron Paul.
Gingrich is forward-thinking and has a record of working with Democrats. I’m not sure how he got zero support, and I would be willing to bet he would have gotten some votes if I had asked this earlier in the campaign. I wonder if perhaps his penchant for acting outraged over every little thing lately has resulted in his sharp decline in popularity, but honestly… I can’t fault him for it, because it’s cheap publicity. It shows political savvy and a willingness to fight on against the odds, and I kind of respect that quality in him, even if he is a manipulative douchebag.
Still, I have to give it to Romney. He’s the only one with executive experience, and his moderate record speaks for itself.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
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