Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Random May Update

The world is a funny place.

Cops are robbing people in small Texas towns. In theory, this might be why people feel like they need guns: they can’t trust the police. Of course, only minorities seem to be targeted by the police. It’s mostly white people who stock up on guns and then kill people (usually their own family).

Miss California is back in the news, perhaps for the last time. It looks like we have some under-age topless photos to look forward to in the future. Good thing she’s a moral Christian with traditional values, like whoring herself to Victoria’s Secret. I am reminded of Matthew 7:3, “Why do you see the speck in your brother’s eye but fail to notice the beam in your own eye?” She and Michael Phelps have been linked, and I’m sure they’ll get married, have kids, and push their children to do all kinds of things they have no interest in.

For the record, I was right about swine flu. I don’t need anyone to admit it, I got all the satisfaction I needed seeing people wearing surgical masks for a week like they were Michael Jackson.

I’ve heard several people rant about “people who bought houses who couldn’t afford them.” Don’t listen to Republican nonsense about the housing crisis. We’re in this mess not because Americans wanted to buy homes, but because banks were ripping people off on their mortgages, raising the interest rates so high that homeowners could not afford to pay. Many people (1 in 5) owe more than their house is worth. If I were in that situation, not only would I not pay for the house and abandon it, I’d probably do something horrible to the bank who ruined my credit for life. No one should have to be a debt slave to the banking industry, and that is exactly what the financial sector has been moving towards.

Banks can’t even make their own payments. Bank of America needs to come up with $34 billion in capital in order to stay afloat. I’m sure we’ll bail out the bank, but where’s the help for everyday Americans? None of these Bank of America executives will be thrown out, homeless, like thousands of their customers. Anyone else agree we need to bring back the old tar and feathers? We should parade their naked, writhing, tar-covered bodies through Wall Street as a totemic reminder to all those who would bilk the citizenry of their dreams.

If you think I overreact, check out Richard Anthony McTear Jr. He threw his girlfriend’s baby from a moving vehicle while on the highway to get back at her. His response when asked about the incident is cryptic, though ten miles short of meaningful: “It’s a dirty game. A dirty game.” I can only assume he’s referring to his future of picking up the soap in the jail shower.

Is prison rape even funny? We’re spreading AIDS among the prison population because we see jail as retribution, not rehabilitation. We’ve given up on most people. Well, you may not be able to fix someone, but jail is systematically making our criminals more violent. It hardens them and provides them progressively worse and worse examples of how to behave. We are creatures of habit, so why do we make sure our criminals are in the habit of getting worse?

Of course, therapy only works if you’re rich. That’s why therepists have to charge so much. Poor people would get no benefit from talk therapy. You think that advice works for all forms of depression? “Yeah doc, sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I don’t have the energy to get out of my car.” That guy needs more than therapy has to offer.

I used to wonder why there’s religion in the world today. Then I really paid attention to everything religious person said. Eventually, I realized we need religion. Most people don’t have a clue. Most of us need easy answers because we are just NEVER going to get it. Religion is psychological baby-sitting for the mentally infantile.

Is 50 Cent known in Canada as 63 Cent?

I’m thinking about going into the food business. I have an idea for a product: Christ Crisps. They’re potato chips with an image of Jesus burned onto every one. Our motto is: “A bag full of miracles!” I don’t like ripping people off, but I wouldn’t mind taking money from fat Christians. I could get to sleep at night doing that for a living.

People who are pro-life often display pictures of aborted babies, thinking the gore will shock people into changing their opinion. Not only have I seen an aborted fetus and still support abortion, I’ve tasted one. And you know what? It tastes like chimpanzee, which is why I also support evolution.

1 comment:

  1. I gotta say, this post was pretty funny!

    Like you said, "The world is a funny place."


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