Sushi is Gay

Imagine that hot dogs are the only food normal Americans eat. However, sometimes when someone is away from home, perhaps off at college, in the big city, willing to try new things, they may have a friend who takes them to a sushi bar.

Everything is different in these sushi bars. The way the food is prepared, what the food is, how it smells, how it tastes. Sure, kids make fun of sushi on the playground growing up, but for some weird reason, many feel oddly right eating sushi later in life. They like it and swear off hot dogs forever, realizing they never really liked them and only went along with it at family cook outs.

Sushi is certainly an acquired taste, combined with the stigma associated with uncooked meat. The mental repulsion from the pre-conceived notion of sushi may be enough for most people to not even try it, or for those who try it to be unable to enjoy it, even if their tastes are such that they might like it otherwise.

People in small towns may not even see sushi as an option. Sure, you may have queers off fishing in a pond after dark in a state park somewhere, trying to get their fish fix, but for the most part, people would be eating hot dogs. Even people who didn’t like hot dogs might find themselves just eating them to fit in or due to a complete lack of variety.

Then these sushi bars start opening everywhere, and the older generation scoffs. They are set in their ways. Many of them may not even like hot dogs, but they have been broken down and are too accustomed to their old habits and tastes to try anything new.

But the young people, they try the sushi. Their elders chide them, perhaps even jealous of the joy they express at finding something they enjoy more than hot dogs. Maybe some in that older generation sneak out late at night to try a California roll or two, but they lie about where they’ve been, maybe even drink a ketchup packet to disguise the fish on their breath. These are usually the ones who vocally fear that sushi will completely replace hot dogs.

The young people don’t even care. Sure, most of them still eat hot dogs, but they don’t seem so angry about the option of sushi being available. Most don’t even try it, and plenty still mock those who do, but they are by and large more accepting than the traditionalist generation before them. Many even like hot dogs and sushi, much to the disgust of those who think you have to “pick one.”

The older generation crusades against sushi. They warn of sushi-borne disease, while ignoring the fact that hot dogs cause plenty of people to become ill. They claim sushi is not healthy, even though eating hot dogs all the time isn’t healthy either. They claim Jesus never would have eaten sushi, even though he hung out with a bunch of fishermen. Nevermind that there is no mention of Jesus ever eating a hot dog in the Bible…

But honestly, who would eat something that tasted fishy when you could stick six inches of hot meat between some buns and then shove it down your throat?

To me, this is essentially the situation we have in America when it comes to homosexuality.

I think liberals try desperately to say “sexuality is genetic” because the idea that “sexuality is a choice” is utterly wrong. However, this is a false dichotomy: it isn’t one or the other, it is something else completely. It is not consciously controlled, nor is it programmed at birth.

If homosexuality was genetic, how does one explain ancient Greece, the Japan of our scenario? Every Greek male participated in homosexual relationships in ancient Greece, with few or no documented exceptions, just as most Japanese people have tried sushi. Does that mean Greeks are genetically predisposed to being gay, or that the Japanese are genetically predisposed to liking sushi?

Sexuality is socialization, and socialization is a powerful thing. More importantly, sexuality is a matter of taste. Taste itself may be partially governed by genetics, but it is also strongly influenced by socialization, the person’s psychology, past life experiences, and a whole litany of things which may be too complex to determine.

What’s more, just as trying sushi is not an issue of morality, homosexuality has nothing to do with morality. Sure, there are ethics involved in sex, just as there are ethics involved in food (i.e. you can’t eat other people), but there is no ethical dilemma behind sexual preference among consenting adults any more than there is behind one’s preference for non-human food.

Sexual preference is too complex to be “genetic.” No one is born wanting to have sex with anything; our only innate desire is to feel better. When we get hungry, we cry and someone feeds us. When we feel shitty, we cry and someone changes us. There is no sexuality in the equation until we discover that our genitals bring us pleasure.

There was a time not that long ago when people thought masturbation was wrong, and there are even those who still believe this to be so. But then a funny thing happened: we empirically proved that masturbating isn’t bad for us and that it turns out everyone was doing it this whole time. Hence, masturbation is largely no longer seen as wrong.

Since everyone was masturbating to begin with, it’s hard to say masturbation increased once this sea change in sexuality occurred. It will be interesting to see whether acceptance of homosexuality results in a culture of largely bisexual individuals, but I have my doubts that it will. Female homosexuality is already winked at, and while many ladies “experiment” with other women, by and large they settle on heterosexual relationships.

And guys everywhere thank them, because we all know women are settling for second best by deciding to pair with men.

My only question now is: why the stigma against male homosexuality? Doesn’t that just mean more women for the rest of us “straight” guys?