Last year, when driving from my parents’ home in Indiana to my previous home in Philadelphia over Christmas break, my wife and I stopped in Pittsburgh to hang out with her friend and spend the night. My wife’s friend is working for a production company that is making a series for TV about going on location to haunted houses to “document” ghosts.
Now, they were kind enough to let us bring our dog to their meeting, and our dog was a loud, annoying mess. The problem was, I came up with some questions that I thought would be too rude to ask. Since I don’t care if I insult any of you guys who believe in ghosts, I thought I’d throw them out there and see what you think:
1. Why aren’t ghosts naked? Are their clothes cursed to wander the Earth for eternity as well, and what does an article of clothing have to do to deserve such a fate?
2. Are there many instances of ghost animals, considering how many more animals there are than human beings?
3. Can ghosts masturbate? Is this what “ectoplasm” is?
4. Do ghosts sleep? Can they dream? Do they have nightmares of living people?
5. If the sea level rises, will ghosts float higher?
6. If you die in space, will your ghost drift around forever?
7. Can angels kill ghosts?
8. Can anyone see ghosts, or are they only visible to attention whores?