Just in under the wire for March, having the Fox News feed on my homepage finally paid off. Behold: the most disturbing thing you may ever read. The headline says it all.
“Obese Ohio Man Dies After Being Fused to Chair for 2 Years”
This guy didn’t stand up from his chair in two years. Mind you, this is a chair, not a toilet. When officers arrived at the scene, the man’s skin had “fused” to the fabric of the chair, and he was sitting in his own feces and urine… and maggots. At least they don’t have to worry about a funeral, since the body was already found in turd.
*ba dum bump ch*
Most of this story reads like a bad joke. He was so big, they had to cut a hole in the floor to get him out of the house. One of the officers threw away his uniform after making contact with him during the removal. The landlady never realized because whenever she came over, he would be covered in a blanket. But the most shocking part about this? He was being fed by his girlfriend.
The unnamed man will be remembered for his chilling role in “Seven,” as the 17 year old blonde cheerleader you chatted with online when you were in high school, and for being the envy of everyone who plays World of Warcraft.