Thursday, February 18, 2010

Open Letter to Republicans, Libertarians, and Other Malcontents

Dear Conservatives:

Please consider seceding from the United States. That way, we can fight a war, kill most of you, and move on with our lives. All I hear is talk of rebellion and liberty from you pussies. Your talk is cheap; put up or shut up. Grow a pair, for the sake of America. You can’t possibly be stockpiling weapons only because you have no balls.

Maybe you are all cowards who would never actually do anything... besides cry and moan about it like the whiney little bitches you are. If you’re worried about where America is headed but need a peaceful solution, you could try on for size the answer I kept hearing all throughout the Bush years: if you don’t like it, get the fuck out.

You retards may now go back to tea-bagging each other with your non-existent testicles.



  1. We don't have to secede because all the liberals moved to Canada after Bush won his second term, like they promised.

    Some of us Republicans are atheists and voted for Obama...OK, against Palin, not for Obama, but still...chill.

  2. Atheists who have voted Republican after 1979 are fools without their own interests at heart. The post-Nixon Republican Party is the single greatest threat to the United States. They're just lucky most liberals have weak stomachs and would never torture them.

    Which is why I would rather they simply declare war on the US and let us settle this like Americans always have: through unnecessary bloodshed.

  3. Do you mean just in presidential elections, or in every election for the House, Senate, governor, and state legislature?

    Second question: if someone agrees more on average with group D than R (and its members), but has at least some significant disagreement with any given member of group D, and few or none with a minority of group R, and it is widely understood that groups A and B are diverse coalitions, how appropriate do you think it is for that person to identify as a member of group R? Group D?

    As an aside, I think much of the secession talk is about a velvet divorce. There are much better arguments to make against someone who wants to secede only on condition that there is no violence than "there will be violence, and I'm looking forward to it."

  4. I don't personally consider myself a Democrat because they're far too beholden to interests I find to be counter-productive. I am certainly more like a Democrat, in the same way I am more like a wombat than a boa constrictor, by virtue of our mammalian similarities.

    I don't see how anyone can actually expect a peaceful secession. I know it is possible, but given America's history of achieving both independence and the abolition of slavery through war (things other nations got peacefully), I find it unlikely. America is too stupid, too uneducated in the ways of history, too eager for the quick solution, too lazy.

    I certainly don't look forward to any war, only the peace that comes when your opposition lay as silent corpses at your feet. And it is not me who has clamored for battle, but it is I who has grown tired of fools shouting for action they are too sheepish to take. And I have grown equally tired of those who have been given power recently who delay in correcting the monumental mistakes that are fast becoming not those of the previous administrations, but of this one as well.

  5. Greetings. Over from Bill's"

    That way, we can fight a war, kill most of you, and move on with our lives.

    Interesting remark, in light of Bill's last two posts and your comments thereto.


  6. I'm personally a libertarian, but the tea-bagging community does not represent libertarians. The LP consists of a pretty thoughtful political base and these people are right-wingers masquerading as "libertarians". You can know that when they have Tancredo and Palin as speakers for the Tea Party convention.

  7. EH: I think the tea partiers are often "Libertarians," in that all it takes to be one is self-applying the title, but like most "Libertarians," I imagine they are largely just people too embarrassed to publicly admit they vote Republican.

    Meanwhile, the Republican party is doing its best to co-opt the image and popularity of the movement... which I find funny, because the tea party is misguided and very small.


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