The royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton was broadcast at 3 am Eastern time in the US today. A tentative date in late 2025 has been set for the divorce.
Researchers have determined that restless leg syndrome can be cured by masturbating. No word yet on whether health insurance will finally start covering Kleenex.
Obama released his long-form birth certificate to the public. Donald Trump is now demanding to taste the placenta.
Meanwhile, in real news, tornadoes have ravaged parts of the US. One Alabama atheist described the weather as “like something out of the Bible,” because it spread misery and destruction across the south, and he just couldn’t believe it happened.