Friday, October 15, 2010

Mythical Interview: Faith

GINX: Today’s interview is a less conventional deity. Everyone has heard of her, but most people don’t think of her as a being unto herself. She’s here today to set the record straight. Please welcome my guest, Faith.

FAITH: Hello, Ginx.

GINX: I have to know, what is with the dog.

FAITH: Well… I’m blind.

GINX: That answers my next question about the sunglasses at night… I thought maybe you were a Corey Hart fan.

FAITH: You’re funnier when you aren’t trying so hard.

GINX: Little hostile…

FAITH: How do you think I should feel about you? I thought you were going to introduce me as “ye of little- ”

GINX: Hey, I never said Faith doesn’t exist, I just don’t call on you personally.

FAITH: Oh, I noticed.

GINX: Hell hath no fury…

FAITH: Don’t bring my cousin Hel into this, she’s never even heard of you.

GINX: Okay, let’s go with that, Gods love genealogy. What’s your family like?

FAITH: Well, I have two sisters. All three of us are blind. My younger sister, Justice, is actually someone you have evoked.

GINX: I’m a huge fan of her work.

FAITH: We’ll see if you appreciate her verdicts after your body falls lifeless.

GINX: Um, what about your other sister?

FAITH: My oldest sister is Love.

GINX: Let me guess, she’s blind?

FAITH: Legally, but that lucky bitch can still see shapes and shadows, so she gets around a lot easier.

GINX: So Love is the favorite, I take it.

FAITH: She gets all the attention. All the gods adore her, and most of the goddesses for that matter, and she even has Hollywood wrapped around her finger…

GINX: Yeah, Love is pretty popular.

FAITH: Everything has just been handed to her.

GINX: Ain’t that always the way?

FAITH: I wouldn’t know, but I’ll ask Justice the next time I see her.

GINX: When do you think that will be?

FAITH: Probably at the next Catholic priest court case, so not long from now.

GINX: Now who’s trying?

FAITH: Why am I even talking to you? You don’t respect me, you claim to have nothing to do with me.

GINX: I do consider myself to be faithless.

FAITH: And yet you trust others.

GINX: That’s different.

FAITH: Right. Do you know what my dog’s name is?

GINX: No clue.

FAITH: Trust.

GINX: Is that a coincidence?

FAITH: Hardly. Trust isn’t even independent of me enough to warrant being one of my children. Trust heels to me.

GINX: Well, you’re blind, so it seems like you’re following Trust.

TRUST: (opens mouth and pants)

FAITH: Oh, please.

GINX: I’m just trying to point out that the two of you rely on each other, and I can like your dog without liking you.

FAITH: Well, then I’ll tell you what, I’ll go, and you can finish the interview with the dog.

GINX: Um…

FAITH: Where’s the exit?

GINX: It’s behind you to your left…

TRUST: (sits)

GINX: Well, looks like I’m gonna have to carry the conversation, huh, pal?

TRUST: (scratches behind ear with his hind leg)

GINX: Come here, boy. (Ginx scratches behind Trust’s ear) I have two dogs, myself. I never really gave much thought to whether there were divine pets, let alone seeing-eye dogs for blind gods. I suppose that makes sense, as much sense as anything about the gods makes, anyway.

I wonder if it’s better to be a dog to a god than to be a human… what am I saying, it’s better being a person’s dog than being a person, I mean, unless you’re Michael Vick’s dog. Is Faith a good master, boy? Does she scratch you behind the ears? And under the chin?

FAITH: Yes, she does.

GINX: Get lost leaving my humble abode?

FAITH: I realized I couldn’t go far. And honestly, how long can you talk to a dog?

GINX: You’d be surprised.

FAITH: By what, someone who lacks faith only confiding in those who can’t speak?

GINX: You know what? I’m faithful to my wife, does that count?

FAITH: Marital fidelity… I suppose I should count it, considering how rare that is these days.

GINX: Why do you suppose that is?

FAITH: I imagine because it’s easier to have faith in something you cannot see than in someone you have to see daily.

GINX: And why is that?

FAITH: Maybe it’s easy to take someone for granted who is always around.

GINX: That’s a depressing thought.

FAITH: And everyone wants to get some strange.

GINX: Hmm…

FAITH: Come on, you never think about other women?

GINX: I told you, I’m faithfully married.

FAITH: Other men?

GINX: Really?

FAITH: I just don’t believe you never think about other people.

GINX: Well, I watch porn, but my wife knows and certainly doesn’t care.

FAITH: Oh, she cares, she’s just not telling you.

GINX: If you say so. Clearly you know more about the woman I married than I do.

FAITH: This interview is over. Come on Trust.

GINX: I apologize to my readers, that couldn’t have been very fulfilling. I wasn’t anticipating that Faith would be so stand-offish and aggressive. Maybe I should have guessed as much. I’ll try to screen my guests a little better.

5 comments:

  1. If only you could do one of these everyday. I kind of miss the Greek gods.... all of the traditional arguments that theist use for generic capital "G" god.... couldn't you just start applying them to Zeus?

    Odin is pretty bad ass too.... but I only played the demo of Age of Mythology so I'm not sure if the Norse or Greeks would win in a war....

    What does this say about Roman/Greek religion.... When the Isrealites conquered Palestine (if the OT is reliable history) they just eradicated everyone else there. When the Romans/Greeks came, they let the people keep their temple and stuff.... at least until they launched an armed rebellion.

    I'm just rambling. I don't make comments because I never know what to say, but I know how good it feels to get comments so now you have one!

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  2. Ginx, this was really quite delightful.

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  3. Sam, thanks. I think the Norse would beat every other pantheon, especially the Greek and Roman gods. I think only Quetzalcoatl and the Aztec pantheon would stand a chance, and it might be close. I definitely will be doing more of these, and you can bet the one eyed Odin is on my list.

    Marzie, also thanks. If you look in the sidebar for "Mythical Interviews," you can look up the older ones I did. A lot of them aren't bad, when I'm not too busy trying to sound clever.

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  4. Coming in a little late, but reading this gave a little happy at the start of my day...

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