GINX: Today’s interview is a less conventional deity. Everyone has heard of her, but most people don’t think of her as a being unto herself. She’s here today to set the record straight. Please welcome my guest, Faith.
FAITH: Hello, Ginx.
GINX: I have to know, what is with the dog.
FAITH: Well… I’m blind.
GINX: That answers my next question about the sunglasses at night… I thought maybe you were a Corey Hart fan.
FAITH: You’re funnier when you aren’t trying so hard.
GINX: Little hostile…
FAITH: How do you think I should feel about you? I thought you were going to introduce me as “ye of little- ”
GINX: Hey, I never said Faith doesn’t exist, I just don’t call on you personally.
FAITH: Oh, I noticed.
GINX: Hell hath no fury…
FAITH: Don’t bring my cousin Hel into this, she’s never even heard of you.
GINX: Okay, let’s go with that, Gods love genealogy. What’s your family like?
FAITH: Well, I have two sisters. All three of us are blind. My younger sister, Justice, is actually someone you have evoked.
GINX: I’m a huge fan of her work.
FAITH: We’ll see if you appreciate her verdicts after your body falls lifeless.
GINX: Um, what about your other sister?
FAITH: My oldest sister is Love.
GINX: Let me guess, she’s blind?
FAITH: Legally, but that lucky bitch can still see shapes and shadows, so she gets around a lot easier.
GINX: So Love is the favorite, I take it.
FAITH: She gets all the attention. All the gods adore her, and most of the goddesses for that matter, and she even has Hollywood wrapped around her finger…
GINX: Yeah, Love is pretty popular.
FAITH: Everything has just been handed to her.
GINX: Ain’t that always the way?
FAITH: I wouldn’t know, but I’ll ask Justice the next time I see her.
GINX: When do you think that will be?
FAITH: Probably at the next Catholic priest court case, so not long from now.
GINX: Now who’s trying?
FAITH: Why am I even talking to you? You don’t respect me, you claim to have nothing to do with me.
GINX: I do consider myself to be faithless.
FAITH: And yet you trust others.
GINX: That’s different.
FAITH: Right. Do you know what my dog’s name is?
GINX: No clue.
GINX: Is that a coincidence?
FAITH: Hardly. Trust isn’t even independent of me enough to warrant being one of my children. Trust heels to me.
GINX: Well, you’re blind, so it seems like you’re following Trust.
TRUST: (opens mouth and pants)
FAITH: Oh, please.
GINX: I’m just trying to point out that the two of you rely on each other, and I can like your dog without liking you.
FAITH: Well, then I’ll tell you what, I’ll go, and you can finish the interview with the dog.
FAITH: Where’s the exit?
GINX: It’s behind you to your left…
GINX: Well, looks like I’m gonna have to carry the conversation, huh, pal?
TRUST: (scratches behind ear with his hind leg)
GINX: Come here, boy. (Ginx scratches behind Trust’s ear) I have two dogs, myself. I never really gave much thought to whether there were divine pets, let alone seeing-eye dogs for blind gods. I suppose that makes sense, as much sense as anything about the gods makes, anyway.
I wonder if it’s better to be a dog to a god than to be a human… what am I saying, it’s better being a person’s dog than being a person, I mean, unless you’re Michael Vick’s dog. Is Faith a good master, boy? Does she scratch you behind the ears? And under the chin?
FAITH: Yes, she does.
GINX: Get lost leaving my humble abode?
FAITH: I realized I couldn’t go far. And honestly, how long can you talk to a dog?
GINX: You’d be surprised.
FAITH: By what, someone who lacks faith only confiding in those who can’t speak?
GINX: You know what? I’m faithful to my wife, does that count?
FAITH: Marital fidelity… I suppose I should count it, considering how rare that is these days.
GINX: Why do you suppose that is?
FAITH: I imagine because it’s easier to have faith in something you cannot see than in someone you have to see daily.
GINX: And why is that?
FAITH: Maybe it’s easy to take someone for granted who is always around.
GINX: That’s a depressing thought.
FAITH: And everyone wants to get some strange.
FAITH: Come on, you never think about other women?
GINX: I told you, I’m faithfully married.
FAITH: Other men?
FAITH: I just don’t believe you never think about other people.
GINX: Well, I watch porn, but my wife knows and certainly doesn’t care.
FAITH: Oh, she cares, she’s just not telling you.
GINX: If you say so. Clearly you know more about the woman I married than I do.
FAITH: This interview is over. Come on Trust.
GINX: I apologize to my readers, that couldn’t have been very fulfilling. I wasn’t anticipating that Faith would be so stand-offish and aggressive. Maybe I should have guessed as much. I’ll try to screen my guests a little better.