Mythical Interview: Faith

GINX: Today’s interview is a less conventional deity. Everyone has heard of her, but most people don’t think of her as a being unto herself. She’s here today to set the record straight. Please welcome my guest, Faith.

FAITH: Hello, Ginx.

GINX: I have to know, what is with the dog.

FAITH: Well… I’m blind.

GINX: That answers my next question about the sunglasses at night… I thought maybe you were a Corey Hart fan.

FAITH: You’re funnier when you aren’t trying so hard.

GINX: Little hostile…

FAITH: How do you think I should feel about you? I thought you were going to introduce me as “ye of little- ”

GINX: Hey, I never said Faith doesn’t exist, I just don’t call on you personally.

FAITH: Oh, I noticed.

GINX: Hell hath no fury…

FAITH: Don’t bring my cousin Hel into this, she’s never even heard of you.

GINX: Okay, let’s go with that, Gods love genealogy. What’s your family like?

FAITH: Well, I have two sisters. All three of us are blind. My younger sister, Justice, is actually someone you have evoked.

GINX: I’m a huge fan of her work.

FAITH: We’ll see if you appreciate her verdicts after your body falls lifeless.

GINX: Um, what about your other sister?

FAITH: My oldest sister is Love.

GINX: Let me guess, she’s blind?

FAITH: Legally, but that lucky bitch can still see shapes and shadows, so she gets around a lot easier.

GINX: So Love is the favorite, I take it.

FAITH: She gets all the attention. All the gods adore her, and most of the goddesses for that matter, and she even has Hollywood wrapped around her finger…

GINX: Yeah, Love is pretty popular.

FAITH: Everything has just been handed to her.

GINX: Ain’t that always the way?

FAITH: I wouldn’t know, but I’ll ask Justice the next time I see her.

GINX: When do you think that will be?

FAITH: Probably at the next Catholic priest court case, so not long from now.

GINX: Now who’s trying?

FAITH: Why am I even talking to you? You don’t respect me, you claim to have nothing to do with me.

GINX: I do consider myself to be faithless.

FAITH: And yet you trust others.

GINX: That’s different.

FAITH: Right. Do you know what my dog’s name is?

GINX: No clue.

FAITH: Trust.

GINX: Is that a coincidence?

FAITH: Hardly. Trust isn’t even independent of me enough to warrant being one of my children. Trust heels to me.

GINX: Well, you’re blind, so it seems like you’re following Trust.

TRUST: (opens mouth and pants)

FAITH: Oh, please.

GINX: I’m just trying to point out that the two of you rely on each other, and I can like your dog without liking you.

FAITH: Well, then I’ll tell you what, I’ll go, and you can finish the interview with the dog.

GINX: Um…

FAITH: Where’s the exit?

GINX: It’s behind you to your left…

TRUST: (sits)

GINX: Well, looks like I’m gonna have to carry the conversation, huh, pal?

TRUST: (scratches behind ear with his hind leg)

GINX: Come here, boy. (Ginx scratches behind Trust’s ear) I have two dogs, myself. I never really gave much thought to whether there were divine pets, let alone seeing-eye dogs for blind gods. I suppose that makes sense, as much sense as anything about the gods makes, anyway.

I wonder if it’s better to be a dog to a god than to be a human… what am I saying, it’s better being a person’s dog than being a person, I mean, unless you’re Michael Vick’s dog. Is Faith a good master, boy? Does she scratch you behind the ears? And under the chin?

FAITH: Yes, she does.

GINX: Get lost leaving my humble abode?

FAITH: I realized I couldn’t go far. And honestly, how long can you talk to a dog?

GINX: You’d be surprised.

FAITH: By what, someone who lacks faith only confiding in those who can’t speak?

GINX: You know what? I’m faithful to my wife, does that count?

FAITH: Marital fidelity… I suppose I should count it, considering how rare that is these days.

GINX: Why do you suppose that is?

FAITH: I imagine because it’s easier to have faith in something you cannot see than in someone you have to see daily.

GINX: And why is that?

FAITH: Maybe it’s easy to take someone for granted who is always around.

GINX: That’s a depressing thought.

FAITH: And everyone wants to get some strange.

GINX: Hmm…

FAITH: Come on, you never think about other women?

GINX: I told you, I’m faithfully married.

FAITH: Other men?

GINX: Really?

FAITH: I just don’t believe you never think about other people.

GINX: Well, I watch porn, but my wife knows and certainly doesn’t care.

FAITH: Oh, she cares, she’s just not telling you.

GINX: If you say so. Clearly you know more about the woman I married than I do.

FAITH: This interview is over. Come on Trust.

GINX: I apologize to my readers, that couldn’t have been very fulfilling. I wasn’t anticipating that Faith would be so stand-offish and aggressive. Maybe I should have guessed as much. I’ll try to screen my guests a little better.