List of Differences Between Liberals and Conservatives

Liberals give people too much credit. Conservatives don’t give people enough credit.

Liberals want to get information through science. Conservatives want to get information through torture.

Liberals prefer to be called “Progressive,” rather than “Liberal.” Conservatives want to be called “Conservative,” instead of “Racist.”

Liberals campaign on fixing our problems, but never get around to it. Conservatives campaign on claiming the government is ineffective and inefficient, and when elected, they prove it.

Conservatives want every guilty person in prison. Liberals want every innocent person to be free.

Each has a serious nervous system deficiency. Conservatives lack a brain, Liberals lack a spine.

There are differences in self which manifest in the extremes. Liberals are selfless. Conservatives are self-obsessed.

Liberal extremists pack the streets for protests. Conservative extremists pack the stage at Republican presidential debates.

Liberals have no balls. Conservatives have such huge balls, they would be diagnosed with elephantiasis if they could afford to go to the doctor.

Conservatives invite disaster. Liberals politely open the door.

Liberals vote for the lesser of two evils. Conservatives vote for a Republican.

A Liberal would support radio for the deaf. A Conservative would support welfare for the rich.

A Conservative disagrees until proven otherwise. A Liberal agrees until a Conservative does.

Liberals want to keep a safety net under you. Conservatives want to light a fire under your ass.

A Conservative sits and thinks, but mostly sits (so says Woodrow Wilson). A Liberal thinks and acts, but mostly thinks.

A Liberal preaches diversity while seeking to make things the same for everyone. A Conservative preaches personal responsibility while never assuming any.

A Liberal risks being on the wrong side of history. A Conservative is consistently on the wrong side of history.