Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Top Ten: Questions I Am Too Embarrassed To Ask

10. To someone in the military: “You ever kill a child?”
9. To anyone: “What is with that foot cramp during or after sex?”
8. To a Mexican: “Does your food give you diarrhea as well?”
7. To certain gay guys: “Why do you talk like that?”
6. To a gay woman: “[When] were you raped?”
5. To a cop: “What is the statute of limitations on drug trafficking?”
4. To everyone I slept with: “How often were you faking it?”
3. To people I run into from high school: “Wow, did you gain weight?”
2. To a blind person: “How do you know when you’re done wiping?”
1. To women with a large belly: “When are you due?”


  1. To certain gay guys: “Why do you talk like that?”

    I pointed out to my wife earlier today that I think they nurture that voice until they get it right. I don't think the biology of homosexuality, if there is such a thing, even carries over to the voice.

    Therefore, I think the gay voice is considered sexy or cool or something to other homosexuals, so some homosexuals fake it.

    I find the fact that they build their own voice to be a bit disingenuous, so it bothers me. Other than that, though, I kind of like it.

  2. Actually, I find that most gay guys who speak in that stereotypical gay-guy manner tend to be southerners who fled the south to move to a city. I say this based on the fact that when I moved to the south, I thought half the guys I met down here were gay, then I realized... a lot of southern men sound very effeminate, especially men from Louisiana and Georgia.

  3. Question for post Author, Were you born an ass or did you need to work up to it ?

  4. It took decades of being a privileged, straight, white male before I managed to attain this level of assholery.

  5. Something tells me it took very little effort for you to achieve this level. It seems to come naturally for you from what i have read here.

  6. I just make it look easy. You don't see all the blood, sweat, and other peoples' tears that went into it.

  7. I once arrested a gal with a pot-belly, so as I was sitting her in my patrol car I asked if she was pregnant. "what? You think I be pregnit?". Uhhh, no maam, I just have to ask every woman that question, actually.

  8. Mike, you had a chance to answer #5 for me, and you totally left me hanging!

    Good story though. I think the most embarrassing would be asking someone if they were pregnant, and it turned out to be a guy.

  9. That blind person joke made me laugh out loud. What a mental picture that one!


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