My Own Private Hell

I like a story that most people ignore. These are usually the stories that are “boring” because they’re filled with all kinds of “depressing” things, like “facts.”

“But knowing who Lady Gaga is fucking is a fact!”

*sigh* Of course it is. Now go back to your pacifier, and please do us all a favor and stop breathing.

So while the world obsesses over the breeding habits of celebrities, Montana almost made incarceration a for-profit industry.

In case I haven’t driven off the “privatize everything” crowd from my blog yet, I’ll explain why private prisons being filled by a private police force is a bad thing:

Private organizations can do things like place security cameras, search without a warrant, detain without cause, and confiscate property without compensation. It won’t be long before every street and sidewalk is technically “private property” in which private security forces operate with complete impunity.

Once a private company has a big, empty prison, they’re going to set about filling it. They will literally scour the area, collecting people for the most pedestrian of offenses. Private prisons are paid by the government for each prisoner incarcerated, and any cost they can save by providing sup-bar conditions is pure profit. Plus, they’ll have a nice supply of forced-labor.

Welcome to Slavery 2.0!

This has already happened in my home state of Pennsylvania, original home of the prison. Most people don’t realize this, but Quakers invented the modern prison. They created it to be a place of rehabilitation, where people could be removed from the stimuli of their normal life and placed in a safe environment. There they can work towards bettering themselves through education while simultaneously being seperated from the problems outside the prison which caused them to need help.

Today, judges take bribes from private prisons to sentence people to longer and longer sentences. Thieves, drugs users, and even drunk drivers are forced to mingle with murderers and rapists.

We think “dropping the soap” is hilarious, even though the spread of AIDS in our prisons should wipe the smile off any face. Most people leave prison psychologically scarred and unable to find a decent job with a criminal record in their past. Prisons were supposed to be a second chance, but they have become the battlefront of class warfare, with all the profiteering of any military campaign.

The company that was slated to run the prison in Montana was also in the works to run prisons in New Mexico, as well. That is, until it was discovered that the people running these prisons were criminals...

Perhaps the most chilling thing about the whole fiasco is that nothing was learned.

“I can't say it was a mistake,” he said. “We make the best decision we can based on the information we have on hand. I don't think we did anything we couldn't or wouldn't do in the future.”

Look for private tyranny to appear in your local town soon.

Open Letter to God

Dear God,

I hope this letter finds you well. You never responded back before, but I assume you’re still interested because you keep sending your friends.

About that… maybe you should ease up a little on telling people to skulk around my neighborhood handing out “The Watchtower.” I’m sure you’re a great guy, but the whole hard-sell is really a big turn off.

In fact, I’m writing this mostly to say… I think we should see other deities. It’s not you, it’s me. I just think we’ve grown apart, me with my mortal life and you with your endless reign of terror over the whole universe.

I know you say you love me, but every time we disagree on something it’s your way or the highway to hell. To be honest, I never really loved you. I never thought of you as anything more than a fuck-buddy. I still scream your name out sometimes during sex, I must admit.

Seriously, God, think about it. It never would have worked out between us. You’re just too possessive. I can’t have any other gods, but you’re willing to take anyone who says “yes.” You’re kind of a slut, God. I’m not judging, I know how you hate that, I’m just saying… it was doomed from the start..

So that’s about it. Maybe we’ll see each other at the occasional wedding or funeral, but for the most part this is good-bye. Tell your creepy little hand-puppet Jesus, too.

Sincerely,
Me

A Shot of Reality

Philip K. Dick wrote my favorite line about reality: “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.”

Murder suicides are all the rage these days, so to speak. The recession is cutting tempers short as money becomes even shorter. Fights escalate into violence, violence so regrettable that many perpetrators simply off themselves. Sort of shows how much of a “deterrent” the death penalty is... but that’s another post.

It’s no surprise to me that a gun advocate was found shot recently. Guns don’t make anyone safer, and frankly I believe owning one is dangerous to you and your loved ones. Obviously owning a gun did not help Meleanie Hain. Most gun violence occurs when normal arguments escalate. Not having a gun present in the first place is the surest way to prevent this type of escalation.

That being said, I find Meleanie Hain to be a perfect example with what’s wrong with America. For one thing, she seems to have seen herself as some kind of martyr for bringing a deadly weapon to a children’s sporting event. America is certainly full of these foolish, Don Quixote types who envision themselves as noble defenders of good.

Then, when her permit to carry a weapon was revoked and re-instated, it wasn’t good enough for her. She had to sue, to prove just how litigious American assholes are. She was asking for a million dollars, for things like “emotional distress.” Boo-fucking-hoo, lady.

Finally, this sudden chance at money was likely the final stress that broke her relationship with her husband. Even though we are all conditioned to believe becoming wealthy will make us happy, lottery winners prove otherwise.

I don’t know if it was her gun that did the deed, or just that she fell in love with a guy who also clearly liked guns, but there’s two less morons in the world today. Yet even though I think both she and her husband are stupid people who made stupid decisions, it’s a shame they’re gone and that their children have to grow up without parents just because their parents bought into an American myth.

Here’s a thought to consider: people buy guns to protect themselves from crime. About 90% of crime, from theft and fraud to rape and murder, is committed by acquaintances. If you buy a gun, you are really arming yourself against your friends and family, because it is they who will most likely victimize you. Perhaps if you feel you need a gun, you really need new friends.

Fact: In 2006, there were 30,896 gun deaths in the U.S:
16,883 suicides (55% of total deaths)
12,791 homicides (41% of total deaths)
642 unintentional shootings (2% of total deaths)
360 from legal intervention (1.2% of total deaths)
220 from undetermined intent (.8% of total deaths)

If you own a gun, what do you think it will be used for? Statistically... collecting dust.

The Secret... Is Bullshit

Positive thinking… that is “The Secret,” according to a philosophical movement based on a book by Rhonda Byrne.

“The Secret” is touted by such miserable and fad-obsessed media-whores as the unmarried spinster Oprah Winfrey! Surely it’s working for her… since she was one of the richest self-made women before having even heard of it.

Before I go any further, the book is bullshit and the philosophy is nonsense, with absolutely no basis in fact. It literally posits the notion that positive thinking has a beneficial effect on exterior events. “The Secret” claims your positive thoughts actually radiate from you and affect things like your success and health. It’s the kind of crap “spiritual but not religious” people buy into.

That being said, there are still those who would say it is not about the supernatural statements, and that there are tangible benefits to positive thinking and goal setting. This is a more valid argument and one worth more than a paragraph of scorn.

Thinking positively can be very helpful at times. It is best to avoid being depressed, as this can actually worsen your health. It is best to act deliberately and with a plan under the assumption of success. However, if hard times come around or your plan is sidetracked, sometimes it is best not to think “positively,” as if “everything will just work out.”

Depression and unhappiness are not chemical imbalances. I know that when someone is unhappy, their biochemistry is different from that of an individual who is happy, but the unhappiness has a root cause beyond chemistry. Taking an anti-depressant can alter that chemistry, so that you don’t feel “depressed,” but it can’t actually fix anything in your life.

“The Secret” is essentially an anti-depressant. Like an anti-depressant, it only makes us feel better; it does not solve any problems that made us depressed in the first place.

If your job sucks, your spouse drives you nuts, your kids are bouncing off the walls … maybe instead of being depressed, taking an anti-depressant or just thinking positively… you should work on one of those things. Finding a new job, talking with your spouse, actually parenting your children… those are probably the real secrets to being happy.

Addressing the problems you face may be incompatible with your goals. Even more common, the goals we set are unrealistic and create a distraction from the challenges we must unwillingly face. For many people, it is a full-time job just staying afloat in this life, especially for single parents and the disabled.

Rich people like to say it’s all about effort. If success is solely a function of work ethic, then not only do the rich deserve what they have, but the poor can one day hope to attain wealth – or at least some decent standard of living. But in the end, this is merely a pleasant lie told to the masses, like using religion to explain the divine right of kings.

I wonder if people told Laci Peterson to just think positively and stick by her husband. I wonder if all the people who are getting laid off from their jobs were just Debbie Downers who deserve unemployment because of their cynicism. I wonder if it’s easier to sleep at night on a pile of dirty money believing you deserve to have more than you can ever use while fellow Americans declare bankruptcy at record rates. I wonder how long the cheap thrills and bullshit ideologies will distract us.

The growing ranks of the poor and homeless are filled with people who never gave up, just as the country clubs of the rich are filled with people who have never worked a hard day’s labor in their life. The Secret is that it’s all bullshit, and the rich are always ready to serve up seconds.

Religion in Recession

Money is tight for most people these days. We’re taking seconds jobs or struggling to even find one. One in ten people looking for work can’t find any, and another fifteen percent are underemployed. People have less cash to waste.

As a result, donations are down at most churches, and many are closing their doors. Enrollment is down at pricey religious schools as the middle class is bled dry by a well oiled, unregulated economy. It’s not just Americans who are feeling the crunch, the divine also seems to be in dire straits.

After 9/11, some people flocked to churches. I don’t understand why. We had just been attacked by a bunch of religious nuts, and for some reason that drove millions to attend church. I guess people were looking for that sense of “community” that can only come from a group of people who gather together to hate like-minded things.

But the honeymoon with religion is over, and the fact is that the Gods did nothing to save us from… well, quietly frankly, ourselves. As in all times when the gap between the rich and the poor increases, charity dries up in the heat of greed. The Gods have to go hungry, too.

The only problem is this: religion is like a societal cockroach. It has developed ways to survive. They are not taxed, so many churches and buildings owned by religious organizations are simply shuttered with the lights turned off, because the buildings can sit there unused and untaxed indefinitely. Of course, no one can buy and use that land to actually benefit the community, but at least religion has all its infrastructure when things pick up.

Just a thought: if we taxed the income and land of religious organizations, I believe we could not only pay for healthcare, but we could begin the steady march towards eliminating some of the pointless institutions of society. Let religions sink or swim on their own; no more handouts for the Gods.

A Brave New Libertarian World

Share with me now, a bold[ly facetious] vision of the future:

In this Libertarian World, it is Year Zero. The Libertarians have gained overwhelming control of the government, and true to their word (and here is how you know it’s fiction), they begin dismantling the power structure of the federal government.

In this world, the only people who vote Republican anymore are racists. They still get 10% or so year after year.

In this world, millions of single mothers stop receiving government aid. But this is okay, because prostitution is legalized. Only the children of ugly women who won’t do anal have to prostitute themselves to eat.

In this world, about sixty percent of the female population leaves the US because nothing is more annoying to them than Libertarianism. Back in the states, things get so desperate that it ceases to be “gay” unless you push back.

In this world, fires burn poor and rural communities that lack adequately funded fire stations. Natural disaster after natural disaster shakes region after region of the country. The rich watch it all on TV while eating deep-fried-lobster-wrapped-in-bacon-on-a-stick, Now with Extra Trans Fat! [I’d try it]

In this world, pandas, condors, whales, snow owls, rhinos, elephants, lions, tigers, some bears (oh my?), sea turtles, and hippies all become extinct, and Rush Limbaugh personally ate most of them.

In this world, NASA is dismantled, but space travel thrives. The Bill Gates Space Program etches the Microsoft Logo onto the moon. A joint venture by GE and several power companies launch a satellite which blocks out the sun. Light bulb sales skyrocket, farmers must pay to receive sunlight, and Simpsons creator Matt Groening loses a lawsuit claiming the idea was originally his.

In this world, the air becomes so bad that oxygen is sold in canisters next to bottled water in grocery stores. Poop from stray dogs and cats slowly fill the sidewalks and gutters.

In this world, crime is almost non-existent. People don’t bother going out anymore because privately run security forces unburdened by the constitution comb the streets, arresting women and raping men.

In this world, jails are privately run slave farms and factories. Private police forces arrest more and more citizens to maintain ever increasing quotas. As a result of this enormous unpaid labor force, all non-skilled jobs disappear in the US and unemployment is pandemic.

In this world, everyone owns a gun. The average erect penis length inexplicably shrinks to a mere four inches (which makes the raping a little easier). Surprise parties at times become violent shoot outs.

In this world, communities build their own amenities. Areas become isolated as interstate highways crumble. Debt is wiped clean, but superiority is maintained by communities with the best schools and jobs. Ghettos are still ghettos, but you don’t have to go there to get drugs anymore.

In this world, all drugs are legalized. Tobacco rots on shelves, unsold. With access to cocaine and all manner of amphetamines, Wall Street remains operating 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The country is robbed four times faster.

In this world, we don’t have to tolerate it for long. China comes knocking at our door, asking about the trillions of dollars we owe them. They don’t buy the whole “We wiped debt clean” argument, and invade us. We are defended by a disorganized system of militias and private security contractors. After being promised land and non-American currency, these defenses quickly turn on their countrymen and proceed to slaughter the populace.

Jew Hear About Ahmadinejad?

Perhaps the world’s biggest Holocaust denying, Jew hating, Israel threatening douchebag has Jewish roots. No, not Mel Gibson, it’s Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

I don’t usually believe in Jewish conspiracies, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this was indeed the work of Israeli propagandists. It’s so damn funny that Mel Brooks would be proud.

Now first off, I have some reservations with the claim that “Jewish” is an ethnicity. Hitler argued the same thing, and as we all know: anything Hitler did is wrong (stop breathing...). Even the Jewish community’s attempt to spread the idea that being Jewish is a cultural identity isn’t logical.

First off, Jewish people try to claim it’s about culture, not religion, but I posit that ethnicities are named after languages because language is the primary barrier which divides people sufficiently enough to allow racial insulation and therefore differentiation of culture and race. The French speak French, the Germans speak German (or those from Deutschland speak Deutsch), the Italians speak Italian, Greeks speak Greek, etc. The name of the language is also inevitably the name of their culture.

In this way, I would consider those of “Jewish heritage” Hebrew. I wouldn’t consider myself ethnically or even culturally Catholic, even though that was the religion of my family and upbringing. Although I do love fish on Fridays…

There is a complication in all of this, because even the distinction “Jewish” comes from the term “Judaism,” which is the name of the religion… which is named after the region of Judea. So really, the religion is named after the land where the people who practiced it were from. To complicate things even more, the people themselves have gone by many different names, including the people of Moses, the people of Jacob, the Children of Israel and God’s chosen people (none of which will ever catch on).

So what the hell does any of this have to do with our recently outed Jewish/Hebrew/athletically-challenged President of Iran?

I’m not sure if it’s possible, but I’m pretty sure Jews have a dominant self-loathing gene. Hitler definitely had it, and Ahmadinejad clearly has it. Considering how brutal lapsed Jews can be to practicing Jews, I can almost understand the aggressive measures taken to keep them in the fold.

Then again, it’s probably the case that Mahmoud is compensating for his Jewish roots by being especially harsh on Isael and Jews living in Iran. Scapegoating doesn’t work if the leader is discovered to be a scapegoat himself, so he throws off the scent by being overly critical of Jews. Think of wealthy Right Wing businessmen attempting to demonize Democrats as elitist, or Larry Craig and his crusade against gay people while he’s simultaneously cruising bathrooms across America.

Which got me thinking… didn’t Mahmoud also say during a speech at Columbia University in New York there are no gay people in Iran? Maybe that’s because the only one he knew about was out of the country at that moment...

The Curse of Insurance

Health insurance has been getting a lot of press lately. However, I just saw the new Michael Moore movie, and it’s got me thinking about some other types of insurance.

There is something called Corporate-owned Life Insurance. No, this isn’t insurance a CEO takes out in case his company dies. Instead, it is an insurance policy taken out by a company which covers a worker for that company, and which may or may not remain valid even after the employee no longer works for that company. This was primarily used to protect against the loss of key people high up in the company, but in the US it is common for even the janitors to be insured in this way.

Colloquially, this is called a “Dead Peasant” policy. It really hearkens back to the feudal days when a lord felt he had ownership of his workforce. If a noble or knight from another land killed one of his peasant serfs, the victim’s lord would be entitled to compensation for his loss.

This is nothing but motivation for companies to treat Americans like shit. They don’t want us to have health insurance, private or public, because we’re worth more dead than alive. This is nothing but a monetary incentive for the death of others.

So I have an idea. Why don’t average citizens take out insurance policies on the wealthy? I think a solid investment would be to take out life insurance policies on every CEO of a blue chip company. While we’re at it, let’s get fire insurance for their homes and businesses, too. Then maybe, just maybe, these fuckers will just “naturally” get what’s coming to them.

Why Bother?

Since I said something positive about Democrats, I have to continue my schizoid history of now bashing them. I figured, why wait a day? Let’s have a post about how Democrats are going to intrude on the lives of Americans right after I lauded one of them for putting on his big-boy pants all by himself.

This story put me on a philosophical rollercoaster. The title reads, “US Senators Vote to Encourage Healthy Behavior.” Right away I am suspicious, because this sounds like another attempt by Democrats to mess with people. Then I read the article’s first two paragraphs about a “measure aimed at rewarding healthy behavior” by “provid[ing] financial incentives.”

I really think the only way you can get people to do anything in America is through money, and maybe shame second. Providing people with a tax credit or making health purchases tax deductible or something would truly be a step towards getting people to choose to live healthier. What does not work is taking money for not doing something, or penalties.

The government is not providing incentives, it is imposing penalties; premiums will go up for those who don’t participate in wellness programs. This is a clause in the healthcare bill - which is forcing every American to get private health insurance while not even providing a public option. And once everyone is forced to be insured (or fined... another penalty), we’ll also be forced into fat-camp programs so that private insurance companies can bank on spending less money on our health problems.

Penalties have no opportunity to work if you are fining someone for not purshasing something expensive or difficult to attain, whether it be insurance or good health. No one likes when the government is that annoying girlfriend who wants you to quit all your unhealthy habits, buy some jogging shoes, eat vegan, or whatever the fuck else is the fad health craze of the moment - or else no nookie. I married a woman who isn’t like that for a reason: I find it really fucking annoying.

No one wants to be told what to do. Gay people don’t want to be told who to love, women don’t want to be told what career they can have, and fat people don’t want to be told what to eat. I wish this tolerance that Democrats always talked about would extend to every legal lifestyle (sorry NAMBLA).

Would this be as big of an issue if the government was paying for it? I don’t think so. The government is not really into micromanagement for the purpose of efficiency and profit; private enterprise does that. This is a healthcare bill written by the private healthcare industry for the private healthcare industry, with the only thing consumers getting is an empty promise that they won’t be dropped from coverage… as often.

Maybe if this was a bill providing a private option or universal coverage, you would see more freedom. The government defends freedom; private industry doesn’t care, they want profit. Freedom is nothing but a buzz word to a company, nonsense used to sell a product. Freedom to the government is having to abide by the constitution, or to rein itself in when it oversteps. Private enterprise lacks any such restraint, and cannot be voted out of office.

Call me crazy, but I would rather do nothing for a wound than pour poison on it for lack of medicine. I hope this bill doesn’t pass, but I know it will because the people selling the poison have already bought the government.

The Outrage!

I have repeatedly called for a verbal offensive against conservative ignorance. It looks like an elected Democrat may have finally put his game face on.

Freshman representative Alan Grayson said on the floor of the house that the Republican healthcare plan is for Americans to “not get sick, and if they do get sick, die quickly.”

I hope this guy Grayson doesn’t back down. The interview he did on CNN seems to indicate he is actually driven to do something by pointing out how full of shit Republicans are. He confronted Republicans without apologizing… which for a Democrat is damn near heroic at this point.

It’s quite adorable to watch the Republicans scurry around acting like they’re offended. It’s proof that if Democrats are willing to take the offensive, Republicans will be willing to oblige us by whining and crying. *Passes a box of tissues to the Right*

Also, Grayson is a freshman representative, just like Joe Wilson. Why is it that freshman politicians are the only ones who actually seem to represent their constituency? There’s no denying Wilson is wrong and a jackass, but that makes him the perfect representative for Republicans.

It’s like I’ve always said, you have look for the same thing in a politician as you do in a prostitute: willingness to please and a short employment history. I guess lobbyist money is kind of like herpes.