Thursday, April 8, 2010

A Peak at Ginx IRL

The past month or so has been quite busy for me. My wife got a job offer, so I’m moving down to the *sigh* south. I look forward to continuing our war of northern aggression on the “Americans” who wouldn’t even be able to call themselves that if their ancestors hadn’t made such shitty soldiers.

Anyway… I also got a job offer, and I start training this Monday. I even get paid for training. It would be the first paycheck I earned since I was laid off last year, except…

On Tuesday, I had jury duty. It was at 8:15am. I’m kind of a morning person, so not a big deal. I woke up, walked to the train station, took the train downtown, and found the building. Metal detectors, forms, waiting, waiting, waiting… I was juror number 52 in my group, which is great, because that meant I was probably not going to be one of the first 15 picked. They start at 1 and eliminate until they fill the jury, then the rest go home.

The problem is, we got moved from the comfy waiting area to a courtroom with uncomfortable wooden benches, where we watched a video and sat for two hours until eleven. Then they gave us a two hour lunch. Now, the summons said not to bring a cell phone, so I didn’t. This meant I had no way of telling time. Luckily, I knew of a Wendy’s downtown that was next to a bank. They had one of those clocks with the temperature scrolling by. So I sat down in Wendy’s, had my lunch, and read Norse Mythology until 12:30.

Back at the courthouse, we wait another two hours on the hard wooden pews that remind me of church. Then all sixty of us move up to the fifth floor in shifts by elevator. We stand around for another hour and a half until… the judge approaches us with the words we all want to hear:

“I want to first say thank you, your service is up.”

She then explained that the trial wasgoing through difficulties. It was a death penalty case that would have taken at least two weeks, so everyone went from whiney to elated in an instant. I secretly wonder if it was a lie to make us feel better (I wouldn’t put it past them). Then again, the truth is often stranger than fiction.

During one of the long waits, I was in a conversation about the selection, and a guy said he had been picked recently. He points out there’s over a million people in the city but they said they only take 85,000 jurors per year on some old tape we watched. I pointed out that some people aren’t eligible, like children or non-citizens. He scoffed and said, “Well if they’re not a citizen, they should get the fuck out.”

I rolled my eyes in lieu of kicking him in the balls. “Yeah… except more immigrants are here legally, not everyone hops the Mexican border. And you know what? If they make it up to Pennsylvania, I think they’ve proven their dedication.”

In my head after: “What’d you do to enter this country? Fall out of some dumb bitch’s cunt who couldn’t teach her kid any better? You’re white ass is gonna stand here on American soil and act like you bloomed from the fucking ground? It’s people like you who should get the fuck out. Go back to the fucking fatherland where you can be surrounded by your inbred kind.”

I swear, no matter where you go, dumb people manage to cross the street without dying. It’s a crying shame. This is the only consolation I can take from knowing I’m moving to the south. I’m leaving these Mid-Atlantic racists for southern racists.

I have to say, people here are specific racists. They divide white people up into every possible distinction: Jewish, Scottish, Irish, English, Dutch, German, Austrian, Hungarian, Czech, Swedish, Norwegian, Italian, Sicilian… it’s pretty fucking specific. I don’t know about you guys, but my eyesight isn’t good enough for me to physically be that racist. I would need a new pair of glasses if I was going to commit to hating people with such specificity. Also, I’d need a crash course on recognizing the origin of last names… and European geography… and history… I am just way too stupid to be that racist.

Fair warning: if you defend the south in the comments, I will be required by yankee law to unleash a torrent of equally unflattering and unfounded insults into your general direction. If that fails, I’ll castrate you by kicking your sister in the chin. Is that still annoying to hear after the 1000th time?

28 comments:

  1. if their ancestors hadn’t made such shitty soldiers.

    Uh, they were outnumbered. The Union simply had more men. The Army of Northern Virgina under the command of Robert E. Lee repeatedly won battles with fewer troops than the Union armies he faced off against, but in the end, by 1865, the South simply didn't have the numbers to continue the war.

    If you would have had equal numbers of troops on both sides, the South could have kicked self-righteous Yankee ass all the way back to Maine (though they wouldn't have needed to; unlike the aggressors, they simply wanted to leave the Union, not conquer the North).

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  2. Lot of ifs...

    Maybe they had less people because they democratically lost and threw a hissy fit about being the minority. I have zero sympathy for a bunch of inbred fools so easily convinced to fight for the economic interests of slavers. They may have died believing they were defending their homes, but that's because they didn't know better. Good riddance. We could use another cleansing of those kinds of people, but today's fools are cowards.

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  3. Wow... Your posts always blow me away cause I just cannot picture living with people who are that mean and ignorant. Sad to say, you going to the South is gonna unleash whole new levels of this madness.

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  4. They won't be unleashed, I'll just have to live next door to it. It's not like Mid-Atlantic people are any better. We're all products of the same shitty schools which teach us history is composed entirely of pilgrims, forefathers, Lincoln, Hitler, and Communism. You pass if you know the first three are good and the last two are bad.

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  5. You have a strange way of defining race/racism...

    Are you really implying that italians are a different race than germans?

    Strictly speaking, all humanity is just one race...

    The rest might be nationalities, ethnic groups, etc.

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  6. I'm with you, soso. I'm saying there are people who live in New England who hold prejudice against people for being German instead of Italian, or vice versa. We're all just descendents of pond scum, as far as I'm concerned.

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  7. Wow.... So this is because of public schooling. Crazy.

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  8. A fair amount of it is actually homeschooling. The craziest people homeschool their kids because then their kids don't have to learn anything about evolution or other cultures or history or how to socialize properly or...

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  9. That was hilarious! I love the bit in your head... blooming from the ground. Hahaha.

    I agree with you. More dumb people should get hit by cars, if not accidentally walk into a library looking for a restroom and decide to pick up a book. I'd settle for either.

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  10. Do you like the idea of the hyphenated American?
    I always thought it was one of the dumbest ideas ever. I'm not trying to get into a political battle here, but I've often wondered if some right wing dude like Pat Buchanan came up with that idea that he would have been labeled a racist and that idea would have went no-where. But since it was a liberal idea then it must not be a racist idea? Just some thoughts.

    Also I'm very glad you got a job. I'm sure it wasn't because of my prayers... but I was praying for you.

    P.S. Hank Jr. sings a song titled "if the south would have won, we'd have it made". The lyrics are hilarious (not on purpose) but it does have a catchy beat.

    Late, feen

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  11. Dumb people breed more. So walking out in front of traffic, eating horrible food, having poor health and smoking which causes their early deaths becomes statistically insignificant in the overall population due to their faster birth rates. All they have to get to is breeding age and that comes earlier as well.

    Do you mind saying what southern state you are moving to?
    It will be good to have another person in the south who knows which lever to pull in the voting booth.
    I feel alone sometimes here in Virginia.

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  12. My wife wants me to help keep our situation anonymous, but I can say it is one of the Carolinas. Personally, I would post my home address online so people could come visit me, but she's afraid of crazy people.

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  13. Random Commenter4/10/2010 9:32 PM

    Is it just me or did anyone else notice that it should be " A Peek at Ginx IRL"?

    The South is a very funny place may I add. I for one will move there whenever I decide I want to learn to be more tolerant. Though as soon as I have children, I'm sure I will not live there.

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  14. DEATH TRAP

    ******************************************

    http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/FaceOff/
    *****************************************


    THE REAL QUESTION:


    DOES ATHEISM HAVE A FUTURE?

    AND THE ANSWER - NO!


    Atheists

    GET OUT OF MY UNIVERSE…

    you little liars do nothing but antagonize…

    and you try to eliminate all the dreams and hopes of humanity…

    but you LOST…

    THE DEATH OF ATH*ISM - SCIENTIFIC PROOF OF GOD

    http://engforum.pravda.ru/showthread.php?t=280780

    Einstein puts the final nail in the coffin of atheism…

    *************************************

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7vpw4AH8QQ

    *************************************

    atheists deny their own life element…

    LIGHT OR DEATH, ATHEISTS?

    ********************************
    ***************************LIGHT*********
    ************************************




    or do you want to meet our BUDDY....


    http://www.darkart.cz/artworks/tezcatlipoca_700_by_hunter.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  15. You're going to Hell DM, just like ALL false prophets. JESUS SAVES!!! Repent DM, or burn in Hell FOREVER.

    Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’-Matthew 7:21 – 23

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  16. Is it just me or did anyone else notice that it should be " A Peek at Ginx IRL"?

    Maybe I'm on top of a mountain, did that ever occur to you?!

    Now I have to leave it that way so everyone can have the fun of trying to notice my error...

    ReplyDelete
  17. Random Commenter4/11/2010 7:13 PM

    Hahaha, DM is back, and some other weirdo Christian calling him out on it.

    Well, yeah, I would just leave it there. It's funny that no one noticed.

    And are you on top of a mountain?

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  18. I'm not on top of a mountain, but I am standing on the shoulders of giants.

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  19. I do not moderate my comments and welcome all input and criticism. I will only remove your comment if it is:
    a. deleted by the poster
    b. a double post
    c. spam


    I think DM falls into "c."
    Just saying... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I sometimes delete him, but when people comment on it, I tend to leave it for context.

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  21. Oh ya good point; it's not that boring anyway... the first link is actually very good. I watched all the parts and even another debate on the ABC website!

    I am not kidding when thanking him for that one, lol.

    Nightline Face-Off: Does God Have a Future?

    The "Face-Off" is a recurring series where opposing sides debate hot topics. In the sixth installment of the series, Deepak Chopra, a physician and best-selling author of "How to Know God," and prominent scholar, philosopher and writer Jean Houston, will face-off against Michael Shermer, founding publisher of "Skeptic" magazine, and Sam Harris, author of "The End of Faith" on the tension between God and science.

    In 2007, the first "Face-Off" tackled the existence of God and pitted actor and evangelical Kirk Cameron and his partner at "The Way of the Master" evangelism ministry against two self-proclaimed atheists. Other past topics include America's addiction to porn, adultery, Satan, and whether it's OK to be fat.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Aw, Ginx, you're coming to Jesusland?!

    Glad you and your wife found good job offers. Sorry it had to be in Jesusland, though.

    Well, not *everything* is bad in the South. You'll find some freethinkers are here and there. And some religious people aren't too bad. Some will agree to disagree. But the fundamentalists are certainly out there waiting on you.

    Good Southern greasy fried food will be waiting on you, too.

    People will deep fry a Twinkie in these parts.

    I live in what I consider to be the capital of Jesusland. If I can find fellow freethinkers and atheists here, then you can find them where you are moving.

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  23. To be honest, I don't surround myself with people (certainly not like-minded ones). I won't be on the hunt for other atheists or free-thinkers or whatever they're calling it these days. As long as they don't convert my canine(I've seen the "All Dogs Go to Heaven" propaganda...).

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  24. Those old wooden church pews are murder on my back. They're a chiropractor's nightmare if you ask me.

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  25. I think moving to either of the carolinas could have a lot of benefits. I hope you don't have to start job hunting again. Is a transfer a possibility?

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  26. It's currently a temp job and I knew well in advanced the move was coming. My wife was planning to graduate this year, anyway.

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  27. Great post! A small correction, if you don't mind - in your list of nationalities you entered "...Swedish, Norwegian, Italian, Sicilian."
    Sicily is NOT a nation. It is a region of Italy and all Sicilians are Italians.
    Leo Vadala

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  28. I know plenty of people who get so specific, they consider individual regions of the country to be distinguishable. Corsicans, likewise, consider themselves distinct from other French people, or people in Staten Island think they should be their own state, rather than the lamest burrough in NYC.

    My mother is half Sicilian, and I've been to Sicily. They definitely have their own distinct culture, and there are those who call for independence.

    ReplyDelete

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