GINX: I’m here today with God, in the first of a series of interviews I have planned. My first guest is someone I hope to have back again many times—
GOD: I know how many.
GINX: Well of course you do. It’s contingent on how many times you agree to talk to me.
GOD: I am always with you, always listening.
GINX: So I hear. Kind of creepy... but that’s sort of why I feel qualified to do the interview—
GOD: Even though you’re an atheist?
GINX: I’m not going to interrupt you, don’t interrupt me.
GINX: Okay, I’ll just start with the questions.
GOD: Ask away, my child.
GINX: You can stop being a stereotype at any minute, by the way. So, do I call you God or Yahweh or what?
GOD: You can call me the Infinite, the Prime Mover, He who is, the Source, the Light, tickler of Evil—
GINX: The tickler of Evil?
GOD: It sounds better in Sanskrit.
GINX: Okay, sorry to interject there. I’m just going to call you God.
GOD: As you wish.
GINX: God, where do you come from?
GOD: I exist outside of time.
GINX: Alright... but what’s your back story? Who are your parents?
GOD: I am He from whom all things emanate. I am the alpha and the omega.
GINX: What are those, multivitamins?
GOD: They’re the first and last letter of the Greek alphabet, and you know that. Quit trying to be a smart ass.
GINX: Okay, let me put this a different way... what is your earliest memory?
GINX: What’s the first thing you remember?
GOD: Well... Nothing. I can remember Nothing.
GINX: You have no memory?
GOD: No, I’m saying I remember when there was not a single thing in existence.
GINX: Nothing at all, except you.
GINX: That’s the first thing you remember, opening your eyes and there was nothing?
GOD: I don’t have eyes.
GINX: You’re ducking the question. You don’t remember being born or how you came about?
GOD: I am the first thing to exist.
GINX: God, I’ll tell you what I think.
GOD: I know what you think.
GINX: How mystical of you. I think you were abandoned at birth—
GINX: —and that your stance on child abandonment, and subsequently your views on abortion —
GOD: No, no, no...
GINX: —are a form of Jungian projection.
GOD: That’s completely false.
GINX: Oh, really?
GINX: What if I told you I’ve been in contact with your mother—
GOD: You didn’t!
GINX: Join us for our next installment of Mythical Interviews—
GOD: Don’t you dare!
GINX: —when I interview God’s mom. Was God a good little deity, or a terror of Biblical proportions?