Top Ten: Quitters

10. JD Salinger – Writer of such high-school English class fodder as The Catcher in the Rye and Franny and Zooey, he lived a reclusive life and stopped writing in the 60’s, surfacing only to sue people for bringing attention to him or his work.

9. Sarah Palin – John McCain’s inexplicable presidential running mate in 2008, she quit her job as Governor of Alaska to pursue more lucrative punditry duties with Fox News (not to mention her need to distance herself from the backlash caused by her failed policies and corrupt practices).

8. Dave Chappelle – Under intense pressure from Comedy Central to continue doing his sketch comedy show, Chappelle reportedly cracked before moving to South Africa.

7. Newt Gingrich – After Republicans lost many seats in the House, Speaker Gingrich threw a public hissy fit and refused his seat (despite still maintaining a majority); also, it was revealed that Newt had been having an affair at the exact same time that he was heading the charge to impeach Bill Clinton.

6. Syd Barrett – This founding member of Pink Floyd left an indelible psychedelic mark on the band’s first albums, though his stint with the band was cut short when his mental illness and unreliability caused the band to slowly and deliberately distance themselves from him.

5. Richard Nixon – Everyone knows Nixon as the president who resigned in order to avoid impeachment, but he is also famous for his “fuck off” to California when he held his last press conference as governor of the state: “You won’t have Nixon to kick around anymore.”

4. Kurt Cobain – Cobain wanted everyone to know there wasn’t going to be a comeback, though he was milked for his creativity with releases over a decade after his death.

3. France – They gave us the very word “quitter” (and they even quit when pronouncing the whole word… how do you get “kee-tay” from that, honestly?).

2. Brett Favre – He was high in the running for the top spot, but ultimately quantity did not win out over quality, and it’s impossible to make him the king of quitters until he actually goes through with it.

1. Steven Slater – The story of the flight attendant who lost it when a passenger insulted him, resulting in his grabbing of a beer and sliding down the emergency escape chute of the airplane, has become a modern folk legend exemplifying the ultimate working-class fantasy (or at least the liberal, unarmed, harmless equivalent).