Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Top Ten: Quitters

10. JD Salinger – Writer of such high-school English class fodder as The Catcher in the Rye and Franny and Zooey, he lived a reclusive life and stopped writing in the 60’s, surfacing only to sue people for bringing attention to him or his work.

9. Sarah Palin – John McCain’s inexplicable presidential running mate in 2008, she quit her job as Governor of Alaska to pursue more lucrative punditry duties with Fox News (not to mention her need to distance herself from the backlash caused by her failed policies and corrupt practices).

8. Dave Chappelle – Under intense pressure from Comedy Central to continue doing his sketch comedy show, Chappelle reportedly cracked before moving to South Africa.

7. Newt Gingrich – After Republicans lost many seats in the House, Speaker Gingrich threw a public hissy fit and refused his seat (despite still maintaining a majority); also, it was revealed that Newt had been having an affair at the exact same time that he was heading the charge to impeach Bill Clinton.

6. Syd Barrett – This founding member of Pink Floyd left an indelible psychedelic mark on the band’s first albums, though his stint with the band was cut short when his mental illness and unreliability caused the band to slowly and deliberately distance themselves from him.

5. Richard Nixon – Everyone knows Nixon as the president who resigned in order to avoid impeachment, but he is also famous for his “fuck off” to California when he held his last press conference as governor of the state: “You won’t have Nixon to kick around anymore.”

4. Kurt Cobain – Cobain wanted everyone to know there wasn’t going to be a comeback, though he was milked for his creativity with releases over a decade after his death.

3. France – They gave us the very word “quitter” (and they even quit when pronouncing the whole word… how do you get “kee-tay” from that, honestly?).

2. Brett Favre – He was high in the running for the top spot, but ultimately quantity did not win out over quality, and it’s impossible to make him the king of quitters until he actually goes through with it.

1. Steven Slater – The story of the flight attendant who lost it when a passenger insulted him, resulting in his grabbing of a beer and sliding down the emergency escape chute of the airplane, has become a modern folk legend exemplifying the ultimate working-class fantasy (or at least the liberal, unarmed, harmless equivalent).


  1. They say offence can never be given, only taken. I take offence that you label my entire country as quitters.
    I'm surprised you didn't throw in a few more "racist" jokes about unused, dropped once rifles. You missed an opportunity.
    Before you go on about how you (you?) bailed us out, and if it wasn't for you (you?) we'd be speaking German, I'd like to say that we remember it well, and are grateful. To the extent that we celebrate the Normandy landings and unlike the United Kingdom and other countries we commemorate the entire day on 11th November, not just an hour.
    Read some history, get some context, and don't go for the cheap laughs.
    Stewart. In France.

  2. Well, since you had a decent education, you should be aware that the US didn't bail you out so much as we just sat by doing nothing until the last second. I think we can thank Winston Churchill more than the US as a whole.

    And let's be honest, you guys take off for the D-Day landings because you guys will quit working over the drop of a hat.

  3. dropped the ball at the touchline there. would you say that about other people? Make jokes about the Irish being drunkards and fighters? Would you say the same thing if I was black? Now we are lazy as well as cowardly?

    Stewart. Disappointed. In France

  4. Look, I'm Italian. We don't threaten people... but just so you know... sometimes stupid people... well, accidents happen, you know? I would make this reply longer, but I have to put on my overalls and enter a pipe to stomp some goombas (Warp Zone, YES!).

    Bret, also disappointed in France.

  5. Looks like the cheap laughs are too tempting after all.

  6. You decided to be laughed at when you decided not to laugh with.

  7. It's a shame I have only now read the post comment where you call yourself "an incorrigible cunt".
    It could have saved so much time.

  8. Well congrats, you've helped prove that there are plenty of French people who don't know when to quit.

  9. to bad you are a quitting quitter.

  10. I quit all the time.

    I quit drinking. I quit smoking weed. I quit my 15 year marriage.
    Some things just need quitting.

    When I was in Paris, it seemed the French had quit bathing as well.

  11. I never understood "quitting" drugs and alcohol. I guess I never really drank much ever, so it's not like I ever quit. And I'm great at quitting weed. I've done it like... 90 or so times now. I'm off that stuff for good.

    ... unless you got any.


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