A Dire Threat

My fellow gentle Americans… I post tonight not to warm your hearts, but to sound the trumpet in warning. There is an insidious enemy in our midst.

Every single day, over 11,000 of them enter our great nation. They don’t speak English, and they don’t get around to learning it for years (even then you can barely understand them). They show up without any education, or even vaccinations. They leech off of those around them, suckling at the American teat. They don’t seek employment for years, even decades. And worst of all, once they show up, all they do is whine and cry. I’m talking, of course, about babies.

Every year, over four million of these mooches gain amnesty into our great nation by a loophole in the Constitution, without any sort of background check or discernible skills. Their continued influx is a danger to the nation and our economy. Who will pay for them all? Did you know that 99.9% of all criminals were once babies? Truly eye opening. [I think the .1% have the Benjamin Button disease.]

In light of this threat, staunch conservatives should reconsider their stance on abortion and gay marriage, currently our only recourse against these pernicious parasites. People, we must curtail our copious copulation! If two people have four babies, and they’re kids have four babies, that’s eight inbred babies. The problem is multiplying... so to speak.