Men don’t treat women like objects, we treat them like people we want to fuck. If women can’t see the difference, that’s their problem. Some females say men treat women like objects because they’re projecting; women often do look at men as a “piece of meat,” and it’s even common for women to make a practice of using objects for sexual gratification. Men rarely use objects. We prefer people (or our own human hand). Hence, it is women who objectify for the purposes of sex, not men.
I love how sports drinks and men’s deoderant have the same names. Usually two words, a chilly adjective and a noun. “Arctic Refresh,” “Fresh Blast,” “Frost Glacier,” “Fierce Melon.”
We should put Bush on the trillion dollar bill. I mean, we already associate him with trillion dollar bills, so why not make it official?
I’m pretty sure the spot in our brains that stores economic theory is the same spot that stores ethics, and it’s not that big.
I think the phrase “within an inch of your/his/her life” is inaccurate. Shouldn’t it be “within an inch of their death”? If it was within an inch of their life, that means they were just short of living. “Yeah, they got him good. They beat him within an inch of his life. If they’d hit him just one more time, he’d have probably survived.”
Ninjavitis = the leading cause of tooth loss among martial artists
Nearvana = getting distracted at the last second before achieving enlightenment
Dramakaze = causing a scene at a public event while taking someone down with you
Superegotism = cultural bias
A bold mistake is no more noble than a sheepish one, and twice as difficult to correct.
I see ads online for sites claiming to be the Facebook and MySpace of sex. Isn’t that what Facebook and MySpace already are?
If your cup if half empty, pour it into a smaller glass.
Some music just sounds better than it actually is.
Truth emerges despite persecution. In fact, persecution is the fertilizer in which truth grows. Just at the point when we’re drowning in all the crap, we discover consensus. It’s easy for everyone to see eye to eye when we’re neck-deep in shit. Truth does not fail under criticism, it prevails because of it.
Oxymoron of the day: “business class”
There’s nothing wrong with sex on the TV, but I don’t know how people balance on those new flat screens.
Thanks to marketing, no one needs to make the products you want, they just get you to want the products they make.
Overheard on the street: “I’m as queer as a football bat!”
If you’ve never read the Bible, I recommend it… even though Christians ruined the ending by going public with it.
Consolidation is tyranny. Dispersing power over many people is democracy, not “big government.”
You know when it is you stop growing up and start growing old? When the pictures your friends post to Facebook go from drunken parties and concerts to wedding photos and pictures of kids.
New change to the pledge of allegiance: “…with liberty and justice, for all we know.”
I think there’s too much doubt these days, but I can’t be sure.
Maybe none of this would have happened if up was down.
How many nightmares does your dream cost?
My mind rejects religion,
Or is my soul allergic to superstition?
Statistics show that 4 out of 10 Americans suffer from depression; the other 6 just deal with it.
Have you ever noticed people who think with their gut usually have their head up their ass?
I don’t trust Barack Obama’s white half.
Neither of my parents are more than 50% of any one ethnicity. I don’t consider myself part of any race, but that’s mostly because I hate running.
I’m unemployed, which is the atheist equivalent of being a monk. I find myself living off the kindness of others, and I therefore find myself encouraging kindness in others.
Ideas for businesses:
- Alcohol Pills: They’re what ales you!
- My own line of blacktie formal wear: It’s not a tuxedo, it’s a “Succeedo!”
- Christ Crisps: potato chips with an image of Jesus burned into each one. Buy a bag full of miracles today!
[Notice all the exclamation points... you have to seem excited in advertising]