A Sticky Situation

This is one of those posts I make when I think, “I have too many people following me. How can I offend a couple?” But before you stop reading now, there’s an important lesson at the end of this post, so if you’re easily offended, skip to the bolded statement at the bottom of the post, then stop reading my blog.

Warning over, diving in head first.

A new Facebook group has arisen with the sole goal of offending Muslims: International Day of Masturbation on the Quran. What day is it? Well, if you know anything about masturbation, you’d know it must be every day.

But wait, there’s more. The group is actively seeking pictures of… the results. They are planning to post them, and it seems too new to have posted any yet (which is odd, because I imagine it shouldn’t take more than five minutes… performance anxiety?).

The group is likely only a few days old, and yet many sites are saying how awful this is. There are Muslims upset, Christians upset, even atheists upset. I guess atheists are still under the ridiculous notion that they can gain acceptance if they act like believers (i.e. pretending blasphemy is a crime).

Unless you believe that you will go to hell for doing it, there’s no reason to oppose someone’s decision to do this. Zero. None. Is it gross? Perhaps, though I could find a hundred things on the internet that are more disgusting, and I could come up with lots of even more disgusting ways to desecrate the Muslim holy book (think “two girls, one Koran”).

Maybe this iconoclasm doesn’t bother me because I honestly keep my Quran in the bathroom. No joke. Here’s a completely unprepared picture of my Quran on the shitter.

Maybe the fact that I’ve read this piece of garbage is what makes me think desecrating it is such a great idea. Page after page about how I should die, how I’m going to burn in hell, and how crazy assholes will live in gardens near streams of honey for eternity. About the only thing I would oppose you using your Koran for is beating a Muslim to death. That’s overdoing it. At least be civilized and use missiles and tanks… right?

I oppose the interventionist wars in the Middle East. I’m glad most Muslims live peacefully side by side with Americans. I used to live in a heavily Muslim area of Philadelphia. I can safely say I am not Islamaphobic, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be hostile towards the religion of Islam.

It is not ignorance that drives some people’s dislike for Islam; sometimes it is intimate knowledge. In fact, the more I learn about Islam, the more disgusted by it I am. You might almost say I find Islam as offensive as the people who oppose people masturbating on the Koran.

Ultimately, if you don’t want people doing something, don’t become part of a vast network of people advertising it for free in the vain attempt of condemning it. By complaining about what a few weirdos do, you empower them. To be honest, they do appreciate you doing it. Companies pay millions for publicity, while uptight prudes do it for people they hate, free of charge.

So quit publicizing these extremist groups by condemning them for publicizing other extremist groups by purposely trying to upset them. In the end, the only people who win when this is done are extremists of every stripe, and it’s thanks only to moderates.

Oh how we extremists love sensationalism…