10. Milk – It primarily goes bad when I get back from a long trip. Not much you can do about this one.
9. Bread – Whenever I buy bread, I know I’m going to throw some of it away. Luckily, it’s usually just the crusty ends.
8. Smoked Salmon – My wife loves bagels and lox, but not often enough to ever finish a whole package of salmon before it spoils.
7. Cream Cheese – See above.
6. Melons – It appears to be a good idea in the store, but melons have an inexplicably uncanny refrigerator camouflage. It’s weird how something so large can go forgotten for so long. Forget “the elephant in the room,” it should be “the melon in the fridge.”
5. Bananas – It seems like they’re either too green or they’ve started going brown, except for the single day I eat one of the whole bunch. They should just sell bananas individually.
4. Banana Runts – I love bananas and I love the candy “Runts,” but banana runts are just gross.
3. Guacamole – I have never finished a whole tub of the stuff before it turned gross, and yet I cannot enjoy a burrito without it. Can’t they sell this in small, single-serving packets?
2. New Recipes – It seemed like a good idea, and it wasn’t too bad the day I made it… but it has really lost some of its character sitting in the fridge for a week.
1. Half of My Jelly Bellies – This doesn’t happen so much since we moved to a place that sells flavors individually. Come on… buttered popcorn? Toasted marshmallow? The oft-maligned banana? And what the hell is a “tutti-fruitti?” If it’s supposed to be a gay man’s fart, they really nailed that semen and ass combo.
And the food I’m least likely to throw away, even if it should be…
Bleu Cheese – How can you even tell when it’s gone bad?