Let’s suppose for a second that God really told Noah to build a boat and then he flooded the world. I’ll even concede that the animals wouldn’t all kill each other, because everyone knows that animals act differently in a crisis.
Did it ever occur to anyone that God killed a bunch of innocent babies and young children? And what the hell did the animals ever do to deserve being killed as well? And of all things… why try to kill everyone with a flood when anyone with a boat (or sailors and fishermen already on one when the flooding started) would still survive? God is supposedly all powerful… couldn’t He shoot everyone but Noah and his family with lightning, or spread a plague that Noah et al. are immune to, or even just stop their hearts from beating?
The fishermen died of starvation on their boats because they didn't plan ahead to stock them with provisions. I mean, it was raining really friggin hard and the water rose so fast it caught them off guard.
ReplyDeleteOr you could argue that God wasn't all-powerful at all, but that he could at least control the weather. Some kick-ass technology that was.
Where did all the friggin water come from? Where is that water now?
Is it in the polar ice caps? Why did God cause the Flood with rain instead of with global warming then? No, if that were the case religionists conservatives would have to admit that global warming is real.
The fishermen died of starvation on their boats because they didn't plan ahead to stock them with provisions. I mean, it was raining really friggin hard and the water rose so fast it caught them off guard.
DeleteRight... where would fishermen ever find food while afloat... or water during a forty day rain.
It was ACID RAIN!
DeleteSo... what did Noah and the animals drink?
DeleteTheir own PISS!
ReplyDeleteOr they might have had a lot of Evian bottles in the hold.
DeleteBut fishermen are too proud to drink their own piss?
DeleteAnd according to what I see on TV, you can't survive for 40 days on your piss.
Right, after the first pass, it becomes too concentrated and becomes undrinkable.
DeleteMaybe they were all drinking the milk of the ONE cow that they had onboard.
DeleteAccording to Bear Grylls, I think you get like 2-3 uses from it before it's no good anymore (assuming you were well hydrated beforehand).
ReplyDeleteAnd don't forget goat milk.
And horse semen.
DeleteI'm not sure God is down with that...
DeleteIt had never rained to that point, which would have made it quite the phenomenon. Also, all animals were herbivores until after the flood.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I can see how being cooped up in a cramped boat with a bunch of other animals for a long time would make me want to start eating them.
DeleteHopefully the carnivores waited a while, because they would have to wait for the herbivores to have some kids before they could start eating them (otherwise they're going to eat several species into extinction every month).
Is that when unicorns went extinct?
DeleteI know you are being facetious but I'll give you my honest answer - yes, I believe so.
DeleteWhy not believe in unicorns? Since I already believe in God. I want to live in a world where unicorns are possible.
What about something we actually know existed, though... like dinosaurs or giant sloths.
DeleteIf you believe in Noah's Flood then you're an idiot.
ReplyDeleteYou just attacked a woman you don't know and called her a name. You're just like Rush Limbaugh!
DeleteDon't be a cunt.
DeleteI like Mark Twain's take on this:
ReplyDeleteThen at last, Noah sailed; and none too soon, for the Ark was only just sinking out of sight on the horizon when the monsters arrived, and added their lamentations to those of the multitude of weeping fathers and mothers and frightened little children who were clinging to the wave-washed rocks in the pouring rain and lifting imploring prayers to an All-Just and All-Forgiving and All-Pitying Being who had never answered a prayer since those crags were builded, grain by grain, out of the sands, and would still not have answered one when the ages should have crumbled them to sand again.
And mine also. I wrote about how God's plan failed. He intended to exterminate most innocent beings, but He messed up because most life on earth is aquatic. I would point you where I wrote this, but I am too lazy to look it up, even though it was very amusing.
Are you saying evil whales survived?
DeleteThe only problem with that line of reasoning is when the waters mixed (fresh and salt) most aquatic species would have died.
DeleteWhat about species that can survive in both? Salmon, for example, would be fine.
Delete