Friday, June 5, 2009

Even More Scattered Thoughts

Little known facts about the blogger:
- World-renowned expert on weekends
- Allergic to ignorance
- Passionate supporter of anything with pasta
- Has never eaten horse meat
- Has a deep-rooted fear of long walks on the beach
- Is considered by some indigenous people to bring good luck

This morning, I ate a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream for breakfast. I figured it counts as both a glass of milk and brushing my teeth.

I put great effort into being funny, because funny guys don’t have to learn to dance.

The Joke That Technology Killed: “I hate phone numbers with a lot of 8’s and 9’s. It takes so long to dial them, am I right?” See, cause they actually had these dials… never mind.

Dehydrophobia – the fear of being thirsty

A republican’s idea of choice: heaven or hell.

Claiming a band’s music is good on drugs is like saying someone is attractive if you’re drunk.

Stress is a whetstone: it sharpens those who know how to handle it, and dulls those who don’t.

I can speak to animals, but it turns out to be a useless skill. They’re all compulsive liars.

A kid is like a tattoo: one drunken night, and you’re stuck with it forever.

Our errors never seem so right as when we are blindly defending them. This is why we fools love to bicker.

Christianity’s biggest problem is its simultaneous adherence to two concepts: the golden rule and self-sacrifice. How can you do unto others as you would have done unto you if you’re also willing to sacrifice yourself? It is merely a complex scheme of justifying the sacrifice of others. Those who deny themselves of certain rights and pleasures think nothing of denying it for others.

Liars trust no one, and thieves always lock their doors.

A kind man changes himself to better suit the world; a jerk changes the world to better suit himself. This is why the world is run by jerks.

The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Hate is the product of ignorance, confusion, and frustration; its opposite is enlightened patience.

Some would have you believe that you can only be moral if you are also noticeably miserable.

I have seen hell. It is a mall, and it is always Christmas Eve.

If you envision wisdom to be an opiate that makes life bearable, give up books and start drugging yourself now.

Scientists are wrong quite often; priests, always.

No comments:

Post a Comment

If your comment is too long, break it into multiple comments and post them all.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...