Thursday, January 5, 2012

Rethinking Some Illness Clichés

I was sick today. I don’t have a joke for that… I just want to sleep, but I also want to post something. Yet, all I can think about is being sick.

I don’t really feel “under the weather,” because I’m always under the weather, unless I’m in an airplane.

I don’t think it was something I ate, since I have a “cast iron stomach.” I want to point out that this quote is misleading, though. As the owner of many pots and pans, I can tell you that my cast iron cookware is not the most resilient. I have to season it with oil occasionally, and you can’t clean cast iron with soap like a normal pan. Still, I would rather have a cast iron stomach than a Teflon colon (which isn’t a cliché, yet… but I think it should be).

I’m not as “sick as a dog,” or at least any dog I ever knew. Dogs are pretty hearty. If I ate some of the things off the street my dogs ate, I would be bent over a toilet for hours.

A serious illness would be “nothing to sneeze at,” but don’t worry, I’m fine, since I’ve been sneezing all day.

I’m the only person I know who is sick, so they aren’t “dropping like flies” around me. Odd phrase, since flies are not exactly known for dropping… which is why they’re called flies, not drops.

I may be sick, but I took the proper action. “Drastic times call for drastic measures,” so I took drastically more cough medicine than the bottle recommended. Reminds me of my high school days…

I would say I am “sick to my stomach,” but the sickness doesn’t stop there… no, this is the kind that keeps going all the way through the digestive tract. You might say my sickness is “burning the candle at both ends.”

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