10. He’s the only real Christian Republican candidate (Did you know Santorum and Gingrich are Catholic?!).
9. His interpretation of the First Amendment; he read, “Congress shall make no law,” and stopped.
8. Something, something, Federal Reserve, something…
7. Because fuck the environment.
6. I’m tired of eating in restaurants next to some coon.
5. I like his tax plan, because it saves me enough money to buy another private island.
4. A stray cat said Ron Paul will rescue me from the aliens in my fingernails.
3. *sound of water bubbling* What was the question, again, man? *cough*
2. All the guys in my frat like him.
1. I should be allowed to jerk off on my roof. It’s my roof, and if they have a problem with it, they should move the school.