10. Candy, Extra Strength Cough Medicine, and Rope
9. Justin Bieber DVD, Hand Lotion, and Kleenex
8. A Hacksaw, Plastic Bags, and a Shovel
7. Gallon of Milk, Baby Bottle, Pacifier, and Adult Diapers
6. Peanuts, Butter, and a Hammer
5. Microwave Burritos, Toilet Paper, and More Toilet Paper
4. Every Canister of Whipped Cream in the Store
3. Wine, Bubble Bath, and D Batteries
2. Seventeen Magazine, Pregnancy Test, and a Coat Hanger
1. Butter, Butter, and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter
I lived #8 (close enough, anyways) a couple weeks ago. Had to buy hedge trimmers, gloves, and shovel a couple weeks ago. The cashier made a joke about not wanting to read in the paper about any murders the next day, then she got really uncomfortable about it, but kept joking about it and laughing nervously for a painfully long time.
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I have actually gone to two different places (a Home Depot and a Lowe's on the way home, or likewise with CVS and Walgreen's) to avoid situations like this. I mean honestly, these are innocent items (maybe the last one in #7 is embarrassing on its own).
ReplyDeleteNotice I rose above the impulse to include condoms even once... though I relied heavily on butter (my comedic bread and... margerine).
My sister was shopping on black Friday and some guy was in a store at like 6am and bought Pepsi, chapstick, and condoms. Sounds like a party to me.
ReplyDelete11. Baby oil, boneless chicken breasts, fresh garlic.
ReplyDelete12. Pepto-Bismol, Ex-Lax, ipecac syrup.
13. Habanero peppers, a gallon of bleach, Rolaids
ReplyDelete14. Laundry detergent, a disposable enema bottle, a camcorder.
15. A quart of motor oil, cucumbers, a banana.
16. one X-Acto knife, a box of Band-Aids, a copy of Gray's Anatomy 40th edition.
ReplyDelete17. a humidifier, a dehumidifier, a stopwatch.
ReplyDelete18. Birdseed, lawn chair, shotgun shells
ReplyDelete19. Newspaper, stool softener, digital camera
20. Lighter fluid, matches, a Quran
Welcome to my world. Some shoppers are so oblivious, like the old guy that bought a bottle of Scotch and (1) cucumber and some lotion the other day. Maybe all perfectly innocent selections based on non-pervert requirements but...Ew. Dude...Would it kill you to break up those purchases? The liquor store is next door. Buy the booze their first. Then hit CVS for the lotion, then stop in with us for your veggies.
ReplyDelete