Sunday, April 8, 2012

Stump a Christian #4

Who found Jesus’ tomb empty on the Sunday morning after his crucifixion, and what did she/they find there?


  1. I bet they found Rick Astley.

  2. You just said the tomb was empty... so what do you think they found...

    You just found a basket full of chocolate eggs. What's in the basket?

    1. There was usually more than just an empty tomb. Any angels? Sleeping guards? An earthquake? Be sure to cite which of the four different accounts you believe is accurate.

  3. They found old Nick J. drinking wine, out of his mind drunk, saying that Jesus wasn't dead to begin with, after they done took him off the cross, and that old man Nicodemus paid off the Romans and Jesus revived in the cool tomb. Then he got up and staggered to the entrance, ran off when he had a little strength left, then collapsed and died and the body was never seen again.

    He tried to tell that loony woman who came to the tomb, but she fell at Nick's feet and called him Lord. Nick didn't mind. He'd wanted her from the first time he eyed her. And damn if he didn't look a little like Jesus, even got mistaken for him once before. Yeah, why not, Nick thought. There were worse ways to earn a living.

  4. I could be wrong. I am going from memory and I don't have time to look it up, but I believe "the who" is one question with contradictions, and "the when" is another. I think Mark says the stone was found rolled away just after sunrise and another gospel, (perhaps John?) says it was found "while it was still dark."

    I am sure Christians would say that one person is speaking of his personal geographic location or something. What else could the answer be?

    When I ask Christians which came first, man or the other animals, they use a similar explanation. They say that even though if you read Genesis 1 and 2, one says man was created first and the other says he was created last, it is simple: one of them is not chronological.

    Ironically, that is probably the real answer, but not for the reason they claim. It is unlikely that the same author wrote all the way from genesis one through genesis two.

    When I suggest to them that the text was written in unpointed Hebrew, and so the text is just as likely to begin: "in one of the beginnings," as it is to begin as "in the beginning" they say: "huh."

    The text does not actually say in the beginning. It says in (a/the) beginning, with no hint of which is trying to be communicated. However, the fact that there appears to be two creation stories would suggest that "once upon a time" would be a better translation.


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