George Zimmerman is in custody for shooting Trayvon Martin. Asked why he went into hiding for 45 days, he explained that he was enjoying his last month and a half of having control of his bowels.
The economy is starting to turn around. Everyone is happy about it, except Republicans, who still drive SUVs and won’t shut up about gas prices.
Newt Gingrich bounced a $500 check he wrote to be on the ballet in Utah. Newt assures everyone that spending more money than he has is not only acceptable, it’s a proud Republican tradition.
Charles Manson was denied parole at 77 years old, having spent the last 42 years behind bars. This puts an early end to his bid for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination.