I like how your parents see you. "God is a Sock" ? Wow, that's a new one.
there are days where this is how I picture you in my mind : http://offthebroiler.wordpress.com/2008/02/26/superdork/
My beard is not that full.
This would be perfect accept you pitch how you actually are too flatteringly close to how you see yourself. The rest are fantastic.
I picture myself as walking on water... I guess that didn't come through.
If your comment is too long, break it into multiple comments and post them all.